Becoming a grandparent is a great moment for a lot of people, and lots of grandparents want to spend as much as time as they can with those grandkids.
However, being a grandparent doesn't mean that you no longer have other responsibilities, including a job. One grandfather recently shared quite the dilemma on Reddit: His daughter and her husband need help with their kids, but he's not in a position to give it.
He writes, "My daughter (27F) and son-in-law (30M) currently have two kids (4 and 6). They both have very intensive careers and mentioned that they were struggling with work-life balance. They were hoping for my wife and I to help pick up the kids from school, help drive them to after school activities, and basically look over them from the 2:30-5:30pm time."
His daughter turned to him for a reason.
It makes sense that his daughter turned to him, because he used to do the same thing for her and his two other kids:
"To give some context, I used to do this for my three kids because I had the more flexible schedule (academia) between my wife and I. However, I also used to work every night from 10pm to 3am to make up for that time."
He still has a job.
However, both the grandfather and his wife still work, and they aren't available when their daughter wants someone to pick up her kids:
"My wife and I are not retired. I love my grandkids, but I still have many responsibilities. I'm also far too old to consider returning to my schedule from before my kids went to college. I suggested that they hire a nanny because, as I reflect, that's what I would do if I were to go back in time."
He doesn't want his daughter to do what he did.
His daughter was upset that he suggested a nanny, but he says he's just looking out for her:
"This upset my daughter, which I realize I was a little tactless in that regard. However, I also feel like she is old enough to understand that my schedule when they were growing up was really terrible, and not something I would want her to replicate."
Then ... his son-in-law stepped in.
Unfortunately, his son-in-law went and made things worse:
"My son-in-law then got really self-righteous about us not prioritizing the grandkids and had the audacity to even mention the word retirement."
But the grandfather is holding firm.
The grandfather feels bad, but also like his daughter and her husband are trying to offload their own responsibilities on him:
"This lack of responsibility for their own kids and the condescending assumption that their time is more valuable then ours really angered me, and we left. Now, I'm wondering if I was out of line with the suggestion, but I feel like that is the solution if they aren't willing to make other trade-offs with their careers or their personal time."
People definitely agree!
As one commenter said:
"They're acting entitled to your time in a way that you can't provide it anymore, and trying to manipulate you emotionally to get what they want."
Hiring a nanny is a good idea.
Another commenter noted that they live close to their parents but still don't expect something like this:
"My wife and I live within striking distance of our parents, but only use them as babysitters very sparingly. We have a full-time nanny who travels with us as necessary and we are even considering a live-in au pair. It's surprisingly inexpensive, and a great solution."
Some questioned if the couple should have had kids at all.
Another person said the couple shouldn't have even had kids. It sounds harsh, but if kids don't fit into your lifestyle, then it's probably unwise to have them just because you think should:
"They REALLY shouldn't have had kids. They're way too busy to actually provide for their kids (in ways other than financial) and they're clearly far too selfish/self absorbed and emotionallly immature to be good role models. They also sound really irresponsible."
At the end of the day, grandparents aren't free babysitters.
A commenter noted:
"You have a life outside your kids and their children. You catered your world around them when they were young as you should have. Now that they have flown the coop it is YOUR time to do as you want."
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