Haley Morris-Cafiero, a photographer and assistant professor in Memphis, TN, loved playing soccer. She would even play for multiple teams at once when she was in high school, never once considering that her love for running up and down a field kicking a ball was actual exercise. She was just having fun. Then she went to college, stopped playing soccer, and her body went from a size 7 to a 14.
Like many women who have found themselves in a similar situation, Haley went through bouts of self-loathing. She began to over-exercise and count every calorie, but that kind of lifestyle didn’t make her happy. She eventually came to terms with the way she looked.
“I’m 100-percent fine with who I am,” Haley Morris-Cafiero told LittleThings.
But that doesn’t mean the world is 100-percent fine with who she is.
It's a fact that became resoundingly clear when she began to embark on a self-portraiture project five years ago.
“I was taking self-portraits in areas where I thought about my weight,” she said. “I looked for social scenarios like swimming pools and restaurants,” which make Haley uncomfortable because she feels like she’s not allowed to order fattening food.
Another situation in which Haley thinks about her body is when she’s on vacation. So when she was on a trip to New York City, she set up her camera, and snapped a few shots of herself sitting on the bleachers in Times Square.
“A couple weeks later, I got home, and when I looked at the film, I noticed this guy behind me, getting his picture taken. And although he’s standing in the sensory overload capitol of the world, he was fixated on me…”
The man in the picture is smirking at her. He clearly does not approve.
Haley's gut-reaction? She laughed.
“I thought it was funny and exciting,” she said. “I mean, I don’t claim to know what he or anyone is thinking. But the idea of being able to capture a facial reaction like that was really interesting.”
Although Haley was very familiar with this kind reaction to her physical appearance, she never thought she could capture it on film — until this picture was taken.
It was then that she came up with an idea. She would embark on a photography project that was also a social experiment. She would set up her camera in crowded public spaces and take photos, hoping to capture the moment that someone reacted to her. She calls it “Wait Watchers.”
“I look at it as an experiment,” said Haley. “If I go out into the world, I’m going to get pictures with some sort of reaction, because everyone is looking at everyone else.”
Haley observed this to be particularly true when she traveled to Barcelona for the project.
For instance, while in Barcelona, Haley found herself standing at a crosswalk next to a petit girl.
“It was really hot, so she had her shirt tied up and her mid-drift was showing.”
In front of them, Haley noticed a window and in the reflection, she saw two guys standing behind them making gestures.
“They painted her figure in the air like an hourglass,” said Haley. “Then they painted my shape like a ball.”
Haley also began to listen to what then men were saying. She couldn’t make out much, except for one word, “gorda,” which means, “fat woman” in Spanish.
Yet, Haley didn’t get upset. Instead, she got inspired.
“I went and got an ice cream and set up the scene like that.”
She gave her camera to her assistant, went back to the crosswalk, and waited. Eventually, she noticed a teenager standing near her at the signal. As she stood there, eating her icy treat, she remembered hearing a repetitive slapping noise. It sounded like a hand smacking skin.
“I signaled to my assistant to shoot,” said Haley.
When she returned to Memphis, and developed the film, she discovered the source of the noise. The girl that was standing close to her was hitting her belly as she watched Haley eat.
“I don’t get upset,” said Haley. “That’s not important to me, what’s important is the conversation the photo starts.”
Since she started, her project has gotten quite a bit of attention, and has struck up many conversations — especially online.
“I like that I’ve started conversations. But I don’t know if I like all the conversations I’ve started,” said Haley.
“People in comments say they would hit me, I’m so ugly or horrible," she said. "I’ve had people set up fake Gmail accounts and email me terrible things. It’s interesting that these emails are about me as a person, and not the photographs. They’re emailing me to tell me how gross I am, how I can make myself better, or that I should ‘put down a camera and pick up a weight.’ ”
So, what inspires her to persevere?
“I’m a stand-in for anyone out there who doesn’t fit into society’s expectations,” said Haley. “And I also get positive comments. There are super supportive people who tell me ‘I hated myself until I saw your pictures.’ I also have men tell me ‘I never understood how it felt, but now I do, and I thank you.’ I feel like if I can inspire someone by doing something I love doing, that’s just icing on the cake.”
Yet, despite its nature, any kind of response on film or online is a triumph in Haley’s eyes.
“To me the image is successful if somebody hates it enough to send me an email, and it's equally successful if it goes in a museum. The success is in the reaction.”
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