Pregnancy can be a beautiful time for an entire family, including the person who is expecting, their partner, and even their immediate or extended family. Unfortunately, this isn't always the case.
One man shared on Reddit that his mother-in-law is so overbearing and negative toward him that he has banned her from joining him and his wife (the woman's daughter) when they go to their maternity appointments.
The couple has been together a long time.
The man begins by explaining that the pair have been together for quite some time.
"My wife and are high school sweethearts and have been married for 3 years now. We recently found out we are having our first child and we are so excited!"
But her mom has never really been on board.
"My mother in law has always been extremely controlling of her daughter," the man continues. "One example is she would invite boys over to the house that she wanted to date her daughter even when my wife and I were already dating. While we were dating (for 4 years), my now wife got home late – she was living with her parents at the time – and her ex boyfriend was waiting for her. My MIL wanted her to dump me and continue dating her ex."
Her mom wants to be really involved with the pregnancy.
"Fast forward some years and we are now happily married but my MIL has always hated me for taking her daughter from her and has made our lives pretty miserable since. Once we told her we were pregnant, she immediately asked for the schedule of doctor appointments so that she could take off work and be at them."
Neither of them want her to go.
"She insists that it is normal for the mother of the pregnant woman to go to these appointments," the man explains. "We have continued to tell her that we feel as though this should be a special moment for the two of us and we would not like her to go to these appointments. In turn she continues to call and pester us about how we have taken what is supposed to be one of the happiest times of her life away from her and so forth."
Now he's asking: Who is in the right here?
Commenters tend to agree that the request from his mother-in-law is not OK.
As one person put it: "this is NOT normal. not even a little bit. are you and your wife a united front on this? if not, you need to be."
There need to be boundaries set.
As a second person advised, new boundaries are a must: "You two need to have a talk – and I think just the justNoMIL sub for advice – and you need to make rules and guidelines and consequences (things like ending conversations, going low/no contact for a time etc) for if she breaks those boundaries. And then your wife (with you but she needs to lead) sit down with her and explain the boundaries to her. And finally you need to stick to them."
This could bleed over into life once the baby is here, too.
There's another concern as well: What could life be like after the baby arrives?
One commenter wrote: "You are right to 'fear what more is to come.' If she is being like this now, imagine how she will want to intrude in your lives after the baby is born. If you don't put some strong boundaries in place she will want to micro-manage the baby, you, ur wife and your parenting."
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