A lot of couples make sure they take time for each other but also for themselves and for their friends. Sometimes it can feel tricky to figure this out, but eventually most couples make it work.
One man recently shared on Reddit that early on in his marriage, he and his wife struck a deal: Every so often he would leave the home so she could have her scrapbooking friends over, and sometimes she might leave so his friends could come over, too.
At the time, the idea worked.
"My wife and I have been married for 16 years. I'm a 42m and she's a 41f. We have two girls; 13 and 12," he began.
"Soon after we were married we kind of made a deal. My wife is huge into scrapbooking. I really don't even know much about it, but it's her thing and I'm glad she enjoys it. She told me that about once a month she's going to kick me out of the house so that she and her girlfriends can scrapbook together, drink some wine, and just have fun. I told her fine, just as long as she understands that every so often I'm going to want a golf, hunting, or fishing weekend with my buddies, and as long as it's not interfering with something important or that I don't do it too often that I don't want to get a hard time about it. I still remember the conversation, and her saying 'Yes. Fair. Deal.'"
He hasn't had a problem with any of it.
"Over the years she's definitely made me hold up my end of our bargain; which I've had no problem with," he continued. "And when our girls came along it gave me the chance to either bring them over to my parents so that they could visit their grandkids, or taking them for pizza or ice cream and to catch a movie with them. It's actually created some very fond memories for me. But, now the girls are getting older and usually just go to a friend's house or something, and I usually just end up going to see a movie or having a couple drinks at the bar by myself."
He hasn't really had many of his own 'guys nights,' though.
"As far as those 'guy's weekends' that I'd originally envisioned; they haven't really panned out that much. Most of my old buddies from back then have scattered and we don't really keep in touch that much anymore. Bottom line; I just haven't had nearly as many 'guy weekends' as I thought I would."
But now things have changed.
"However I've picked up new buddies over the years at my job, and one thing we like to do is have poker night fairly often," the husband explained. "We've never had one at our house, and recently I volunteered it. When I told my wife about it, though, I got push back. She's kind of a homebody, and said on a Friday night after a long work week that the last she wanted was to get kicked out of her own home and have to go figure out something to do with herself. I reminded her of all the times I'd been kicked out so that she could scrapbook but she responded that this was different; that there was years of precedent for it, and that I'd agreed to it. But she said that she'd never agreed to letting me host poker night for the guys. It turned into a pretty big argument."
His wife is not pleased.
"She's being kind of unfair and selfish as far as I'm concerned, but I can't argue that at least technically I've agreed to getting kicked out of the house for scrapbooking while she never agreed to getting kicked out for poker night."
People are siding with the husband.
As one commenter noted:
"She’s being very selfish. Marriages evolve over time and you’re allowed to make modifications to agreements you struck early on."
They don't understand her reaction.
As several people pointed out, the agreement has been in place for a long time. One person wrote, "I mean they should even honor the existing, old agreement – they both get to have friends over without the partner present. They both agreed to it."
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