Couples often have to make a lot of high-level, important decisions together, and many of those decisions concern various stages of life. As much as some of us might prefer to not think about it, those stages could include the unexpected.
One man recently shared on Reddit that the ongoing health crisis has helped him realize he needs to make sure all of his affairs are in order. He and his wife of eight years have been going back and forth about his end-of-life choices, and they've hit a wall that seems insurmountable.
His wife has basically said she would not follow his plan and wishes.
The problem is that while the man is clearly laying out what he wants in terms of end-of-life decisions, his wife isn't on board:
"During this process, I had a conversation with my wife about end-of-life decisions. There are a number of situations where my quality of life and function would be low enough that I would want care to be discontinued. I expressed these concerns with my wife and what I would wish for her to do under these conditions. She insists that she would never discontinue care under any conditions."
So he asked a friend to be his power of attorney instead.
Because he feels the conversation is going nowhere, the man pulled in a friend:
"At this point, we've had this discussion a dozen times, with no resolution and a lot of arguing. As far as I'm concerned, I'm unmovable in how I would want my care to be delivered. I will not risk being a patient with no chance of recovery, suffering in silence. I ultimately decided to name my oldest friend as my MPOA, because I know she will honor my decisions under these circumstances."
His wife is really mad, but he's still wondering if he's in the wrong.
The man wanted people from Reddit to tell him if he really did something that bad, and they were happy to comply.
The top comment indicates that most people agree with his choice: "You have different wishes and a power of attorney is the one who is carrying out your wishes, not their own. It's the person who is going to be your voice when you aren't able to speak. Your wife has stated on several times that she would use that power for her own wishes, not yours.
"She doesn't want to be your voice, so you aren't giving her that title."
Some believe it isn't possible for his wife to really be able to understand.
"Your wife isn't the one hypothetically on pressers with a C4-C5 injury and an ET or trach for the rest of her bedridden life," said a commenter. "A lot of non-medical people simply don't know the horrors of a life being over but the person hasn't died yet. They can't fathom it even when explained. They have to live it to get it, and you have every right to refuse to be her learning opportunity."
But people have a lot of empathy for her position, too.
While the vast majority of commenters think that the man is right, they do understand where his wife is coming from. As one person put it, "If you have someone other than your wife who will carry out your wishes, then that's what you should do. It'll give you peace of mind. Sometimes, the person closest to us lets their emotions get in the way of doing the right thing."
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
