An unplanned pregnancy can present a lot of options to the two people expecting the baby. One woman has shared on Reddit that her 20-year-old brother got a woman pregnant and convinced her not to have an abortion — only to turn around and ask his sister to raise the baby instead.
She begins, "I 32f have two daughters, 6f and 3f. Both my husband and I have very lucrative degrees so we've been able to cut down hours to focus on being a family and still make a good living. I love being a mother, and I've always dreamt of being one. I put a lot of effort into being the best mother I can, people tend to compliment me on aspects of my parenting or how independent and responsible my 6-year-old is."
She says her family is staunchly pro-life — except for her.
"I also got a younger brother 20m," the original poster (OP) continues. "He got a girl pregnant 8ish months ago. My whole family, except me, is pro-life. He convinced the girl to keep the baby, and as she didn't want to raise it, he made her sign away parental rights and promised to take care of the kid. My whole family congratulated him on making the right choice, I advised him to rethink but it's his choice in the end."
Her parents are in on her brother's plan.
"A couple of weeks ago at a family function, we were planning on trying for our third kid soon and we will probably stop there as we only want three kids," she explains. "My brother later called me and asked me to talk about something and if he could drop by my house because he wanted to discuss something. I agreed, today he showed up with my parents and between the three of them told me they got this great idea about how I should take my brother's kid."
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The plan is detailed.
"They explained it as if they were doing me a favor. Because they knew I wanted a third kid and I could just take him in without going through a third pregnancy. They also explained how my brother wanted to finish his degree and couldn't do that while raising a kid so this was the best alternative for both of us."
She doesn't love the idea, and they're all mad at her now.
"I told them I didn't know and that I needed more time to think about it, but that I didn't feel comfortable in the position I was being put in because raising a kid is not something to be taken lightly. They were disappointed in my answer and after they left the three of them separately sent me a wall of text telling me to make the right choice and not deny love to a kid just because I am being selfish."
Ultimately, the dynamic is throwing her off the idea.
"I do not feel comfortable raising my brother's kid, but I can't explain a non-selfish reason why I don't want to," OP says. "I like having biological kids, I feel one of our kids being actually my brother's kid would add such a complex family dynamic I don't feel ready to face and somehow I just don't feel it's fair. It's so easy to get all the pats on the back for 'saving a kid's life' when you are not going to be the one to take responsibility in the end. I am helping perpetuate a family dynamic I feel has been going on for ages."
People are pointing out the brother is old enough to handle the consequences of his actions.
One commenter writes, "He chose to have a kid, he can take care of it. Many single parents have gone to university and finished their degrees. Since he talked his girlfriend out of an abortion, he can suck it up and do what needs to be done. If he was too dumb to realise that having a child at 20 will come with many sacrifices and hardships, that’s his personal problem. He made his bed."
Some think she shouldn't contact her family anymore.
Another person writes, "Nah. Let’s review:
"The birth mother has been forced into significant trauma by carrying a pregnancy she doesn’t want.
"The child is going to experience significant trauma.
"The only humane solution now is an Open Adoption. With a family financially and emotionally prepared. There are agencies to arrange this.
"The OP needs to go NC. These people are near criminals."
Ultimately, the family needs to practice what they preach.
As a third person concludes, "OP, you're right, if you take in the child you'd be enabling your family's terrible, terrible politics by relieving them of the consequences of their stated beliefs. They are bullies who cannot live up to the standards they preach. Moreover, your brother got his gf to sign over parental rights by convincing her he would take care of the baby. How does that square with giving it to you?
"Tell them you would be disappointed in them if they did not live up to their own standards. That taking a stand should involve sacrifice on their part, not yours. That having opinions about theoretical children is not the same as dealing with a real one. Then cut all contact."
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