Marriage isn't easy. There are ups and downs in every relationship, and a healthy marriage takes a ton of work.
At the lowest points in a marriage, both spouses need as much support from their friends and family as possible. However, there are some key things that they absolutely do not need to hear during their tough time.
Marriage advice has changed over the years, but you still need to tread lightly with this topic.
First and foremost, you will most likely not be privy to every tiny detail of a friend or family member's marriage, so you are not in a position to be doling out advice willy-nilly. So, what are you to say to someone who's having a tough time in their relationship?
The best things to do are to listen, help them as you can, and stay positive.
What should you absolutely never say? These 10 things should never be uttered to someone having a tough time in their marriage.
Did we miss anything from our list? Let us know in the comments and please SHARE on Facebook!
[H/T: Prevention, Babble, Verily]
Thumbnail source: Flickr
1. "Will You Be Getting A Divorce Lawyer?"
Even if your friend has mentioned the possibility, it's not your place to step in the middle of the situation or put any pressure on them. Taking that step into legal territory is a very big decision, and you should allow your friend or family member to explore that in their own personal way.
2. "I Saw This Coming From A Mile Away"
Someone having trouble with their marriage doesn't need to hear that they were the only one that didn't see the rocky road ahead. Instead of saying how you knew that this was going to happen, why not just be supportive of the decisions he or she makes going forward?
After all, there is nothing that any of us can do to change the past.
3. "You Can Do So Much Better"
It might be your instinct to reassure them that they can do better with another person, but this is the last thing they need to hear right now. There are complicated emotions attached their spouse, and statements like these can be extremely upsetting.
4. "Maybe It Will Magically Work Itself Out"
Nine times out of 10, a problem isn't going to magically fix itself, especially within a marriage. Marriage takes work. If your friend is going through a rough patch, a gentle reminder that they may need to put in the work might be the better direction to lean.
5. "Let Me Know What You Need"
Asking for help isn't easy, especially with such a personal problem as this. So instead of making them figure out exactly what they need from you, make it a point to offer specific help. For example, offer a lunch date or show up with a homemade cake and be there to listen, in the flesh. There's nothing better than a friendly ear at a time like this.
6. "Have You Thought About What It Might Be Like To Date Again?"
This can be very upsetting to someone having relationship troubles. The future can seem extremely daunting, so it's definitely best not to remind them about the complicated world of "dating" at a time like this. Instead, encouragement and support are the way to go.
7. "Just Hang In There"
"Hanging in there" or putting up with an unbalanced relationship is no way to go through life. Never encourage a friend to settle into something that's not good for them just because it's the easiest thing to do.
There are ways to come away from a rough spot in a marriage relatively unscathed and possibly even stronger than before. Learning to live with the major relationship issues is not one of these ways. Instead, encourage your loved one to be open and honest about their feelings.
8. "Here's How You Fix It..."
Sometimes giving advice can be helpful, but other times, it can be misguided or impersonal. There's not one sure-fire way to fix something, especially a marriage. Your friend is going to have to go on his or her own journey in order to work out their marriage. Your step-by-step advice may come across as more overwhelming and confusing than anything else.
If your friend asks what you think, sure, have that conversation, but don't go around spouting advice all willy-nilly.
9. "You've Wasted Your Best Years"
Suggesting that the best years are in the past isn't a healthy outlook for anyone, especially for someone having marriage troubles. Be encouraging about future possibilities instead of being negative about the "best years" gone by.
Also, this implies that things are irreversible in their current relationship, which may not be the case.
10. "All You Need To Do Is Blow Off Steam"
Going for a night out on the town with friends might seem fun, but it can also develop into bad, unhealthy habits during times of turmoil. Instead of forcing your troubled friend to have reckless "fun," just be a shoulder to lean on for them. In lieu of a night out on the town drinking, why not offer to go on a hike during the weekend to get the body moving and the mind cleared?
Did we miss anything from our list? Let us know in the comments and please SHARE this helpful advice on Facebook.
