A man who lost his wife is dealing with her family's complicated feelings about moving on.
The whole situation was a little more complicated than anyone understood, as the widower explained in his Reddit post about the situation. The original poster explained that before his wife suddenly died 10 months ago, the two had been separated for four months. It's unclear how well known it was that the two were separated, as they were co-parenting their 3-year-old daughter together during that time.
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It's because of his daughter that OP has continued a relationship with his wife's family. His former mother-in-law had a key to his home, which OP forgot about until she walked in thinking it was a good time to spend time with her granddaughter and instead found OP home with a guest. The MIL flipped out so much about the situation that OP banned her from his home, to the ridicule of other family members who have since found out about the situation.
OP explained his situation with his wife.
"To add context, my wife 'Nat' (29F) passed away 10 months ago," he explained.
"While her and I (29M) were separated we never got to divorce due to what happened."
OP shared a 3-year-old daughter with his wife and is continuing the girl's relationship with her mom's family.
"She's been going to preschool already so for the most part I have my home to myself," OP noted.
"My MIL never told me she was coming over, she usually does to see my daughter or take her out. Also she hasn't used the key to my place in a long time so I completely forgot she had it."
OP's MIL used the key at a less-than-opportune moment.
"The other morning I had a 'friend' over," OP shared.
"[My MIL] shows up unexpectedly because she thought that would be [her and my daughter's] day to go to the park."
MIL didn't handle what she saw very well.
"Instead of you know … closing the door after walking in on me, she starts ridiculing me. It was extremely awkward for my friend, or well both of us," he shared.
"She was still extremely mad at me, after my friend left she tried to say more about being an irresponsible father, then brought up my Nat and how it hasn't even been a year and I'm already sleeping with another woman."
OP and his wife had been separated for four months before her death.
"Her calling me disgusting was the last straw and I told her to get out. We spoke again later, but it seems by then she told a few people in Nat's family because her sisters were on my back about it too," he shared.
"I was so mad about her telling everyone my personal business so I said she's not allowed to set foot in my house again. She can call or text on the days she’s here to see my daughter but she won't be allowed in."
OP's MIL didn't have anything to say about his decision until she tried getting in the house again.
"My MIL didn't say anything about it until yesterday when she realized I changed all the locks," OP shared, noting that others have reached out to tell him he's overreacting to the situation.
"They think she has a right to be upset about me being with another woman so soon after Nat passed away, and she shouldn't be punished for it."
Many people told OP he doesn't owe anyone any explanations about his personal life.
"For starters, even though you guys were separated I am very sorry for your loss," one commenter wrote.
"You're a consenting adult who is allowed to do whatever you want. As long as your daughter is safe that should be the only concern your MIL has … not what you're doing in your adult time."
"Seems MIL believes you should spend a lifetime mourning her daughter," another commenter noted.
"She, however, doesn't get to tell you how to grieve or for how long or when it is okay to move on. Her grief also doesn't excuse her behavior."
Many were appalled that MIL tried getting in again after she was told to call or text ahead.
"She 'realized' you changed the locks means … she tried using her key to come in AFTER YOU TOLD HER going forward she needs to call or text before planning to come over," a commenter pointed out.
"Which should frankly be the way it always is. She had ZERO call to say you were doing anything inappropriate in your own home, especially when your daughter wasn't there."
People are warning OP to carefully monitor his daughter's relationship with his MIL.
"Since MIL is getting everyone else involved to turn them against you, I bet she will do that with your daughter, too. She is a manipulator, and she wants control," one commenter asserted.
"If I were you (and you can afford it), I would see a lawyer. She needs to commit to not discussing your dating life with your daughter, and I think that will be impossible for her to do.
"In the meantime, severely limit her interactions with your daughter, and only if you are present. Send that info to her in writing. Do you have any concern that she would try to take custody? I would be very concerned. She cares more about power and control rather than about what's good for you and your daughter."
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