Husband Bans His Mother-In-Law From His House After Realizing She Bugged Their Phones

"MIL is super toxic towards me. She [expletive] talks me a lot. She tried to get my wife to take money from my bank account without telling me and give it to her," the post started. There was barely even an introduction — the poster went right into it. This may seem like average mother-in-law nonsense, but it quickly intensifies.

Much like a spy, his mother-in-law has also done some shady dealings — such as phone bugging and kidnapping: "She criticizes the way I live, raise my children, etc. She is known to bug people's phones (her ex husbands, her daughter in law, one of her friends husbands, etc) and to hide kids (took her other grandkids and hid them from their mother for 3 weeks when her son divorced the woman) and just to generally pull [expletive] like that so I don’t even trust her in my home when I'm not there." Yikes.

So he put his foot down. "I've basically banned her from coming into my home," he wrote. "If we have an event here like a birthday party for the kids, or a holiday celebration, etc. then tough luck, she still can't come." It may seem a little severe, but if he can't trust her, perhaps it's the healthy move.

It puts her in a tough position, for sure. "Wife is upset about this and obviously MIL thinks I'm the devil incarnate," he wrote. "I think it’s justified and that my wife should be super thankful I haven’t just said 'Choose between being married to me or having any relationship with your mother.'"

Even if she knows her mom is bad, it can be tough to come to terms with it. Boundaries should be made by the couple, as a unit. So that likely doesn't make him look good in the situation. However, it also sounds like the mother-in-law is a safety issue. And when you have kids, you need to do what's best for them.

Clarisse1984 went right into it: "A history of kidnapping and wiretapping warrants a lifelong ban." And that's true. As the famous Maya Angelou quote states, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."

AttemptedAdult went so far as to suggest that the original poster prepare for a divorce if things get worse. "If I were you, I'd have a talk with a divorce attorney to have a plan in place should she leave you," they wrote. "You need to make sure MIL is banned access. Additionally, you and your wife, at minimum, need counseling. Why she would want this woman around her family is beyond me. MIL should be in jail!"

When you're married to someone, you try to work as a team. Having one party be upset is bound to create tears in the relationship down the road. While counseling is good for all couples, perhaps this couple can sit down and really talk about what's happening with her mother.

Lily2404 addressed this, while others were quick to mention divorce. Chances are, the mom didn't change much during the course of the relationship, and she was always this way. "If your wife is upset, you have some work to do there," they wrote. "Does she not see the problems with your MIL? Does she stand up for you when MIL criticizes you? Does she think kidnapping her grandkids is justified somehow?"

Because it's true. Is the wife necessarily going along with her mom, or does she not know how to exit an abusive relationship with her? It seems as if the husband has reached his breaking point, both with the MIL ultimatum and within the post itself. He didn't waste any time with details and got right to the point.

That said, he didn't leave the Reddit forum unscathed. Many people noticed that he was deleting comments or not answering posts that called him out for his hasty move. Also, a lot of people feel as if he could have fudged the details, especially when it comes to the phone bugging and kidnapping. Surely, someone would have gotten law enforcement involved.

Since this is the internet, it's all too easy to stretch the truth. Is it possible that he overexaggerated his MIL's supposed crimes as a way to get attention? It's tough to tell. But if his wife is so against the household ban, it's possible that he made a big and controlling decision without having any actual facts to back it up.

Gogoyoyo8 also pinpointed the line where the husband noted that his wife was "lucky" he didn't force her to choose. That, in itself, shows some controlling behavior and makes it seem like he doesn't really appreciate her much in the marriage. "This relationship has clearly been strained for a while," they said. "Beyond what MIL has done to others, what has she personally done to [you]?"

The lack of detail could be because the original poster knew fewer people would side with him if they knew the whole story. Or it's possible that the mother-in-law really is somehow above the law. Very likely, the poster just doesn't like the fact that she's an opinionated woman. Hopefully, his wife doesn't feel cut off from her mom if she's more innocent than the post makes her appear.

That said, if true, these are all very good reasons to lock your doors on a family member. Safety is very important, and it seems like this MIL might have a bad idea on general boundaries.