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Raising children isn't always easy, but it usually helps if you have a partner who is committed to your kids alongside you. Unfortunately, in this case "usually" is the key word.
A young mom has shared a dilemma on Reddit: Her husband never helps take care of their infant, and she's feeling burnt out. When he recently chose to play a video game over making sure bath time happened, she decided to take action.
She pulled the plug.
"I (23F) paused the internet on every single device in the apartment because my husband (23M) refused to get off of the game to give our 8mo son a bath on time" the mom began. "I know this sounds like YTA but let me explain, there’s a lot of background information that went into this decision."
He never helps around the house.
"My husband does not help with the household whatsoever," she explained. "Doesn’t wash dishes, do laundry, clean any room of the house, cook dinner, etc. He’ll get home and throw off his uniform onto the floor and leave it there until the next day. If the house is dirty, he’ll chide me and tell me that I don’t do anything, I don’t clean enough, I don’t cook dinner enough, etc."
He also doesn't help with their baby.
"Our biggest issue is the baby. I am the main caretaker for our son 99.9% of the time. I get up with him during the night when he wakes up crying. My husband will here or there, but he’ll start screaming at me about how he needs his rest and I need to get up. If our son is sick, I’m the one that takes off work."
She's missed work because of his lack of help.
"I’ve missed almost 6 week of work in the past 3 months because my husband wouldn’t even ask his supervisor if he could stay home one of those days," she continued. "I’m the one that gets up at 6 am and stays up with our son until about 12pm-1PM and that’s when I tell my husband he needs to get up and take care of the baby so I can take a nap (he sleeps anywhere from 8-14hrs a day while I take a nap between 1-4hrs). Once I get up, he complains that I’ve been sleeping 'all day' while he’s been taking care of the baby by himself and I’m lazy."
They're both full-time military.
"I recently got promoted to E-5 after being up 3 times in a row and taking a hard exam that I studied for. My husband unfortunately didn’t make it this time around and is still an E-3, and he blames me for it, saying if he didn’t have to transfer after a year at his previous command he would’ve made it. My husband told me that it’s not a surprise that I made it because my job is easy and all we do is sit at computers all day while he works out in the sun and cold on equipment (I’m in intelligence and he’s got a manual labor job)."
The baby's routine is important to her.
"I paused the game tonight because every night we feed our son and give him a bath at 7pm on the dot. He’s always had this routine. After I fed the baby, I told my husband that it was time for the bath (after I already laid out all the baby supplies and clothes for after bath) and my husband told me to 'just sit the baby down in the playpen until he’s done with the game.'"
He refused to give their son a bath and said he would break her phone.
"I gently told him no, that it’s bedtime and I wasn’t going to shift our son’s routine so he could play the game for an extra half hour and my husband needs to learn to prioritize. I then paused the game and my husband flew off the handle, threatening to break my phone and refused to give our son a bath and called me lazy for not doing it instead. My husband literally hops on the game and plays from the moment he wakes up to the moment he goes to sleep."
People are 100% on her side.
There are plenty of comments, but the top one sums it up well:
"First off, NTA. Obviously.
"Second: you’re dual military and he’s acting like he’s the only one who’s working. He’s clearly unable to cope with your success, not to mention you’re basically cleaning up after two children. The fact you made it to E5 with all this madness is amazing, so I applaud you.
"Third, and possibly the biggest point here: this relationship is concerning me a lot. He threatened to BREAK YOUR PHONE? I’m BH in the military, and this stuff escalates. Consider couples counseling (unsure he’ll be on board) or think about… ways to get out. I know it’s not what you want to hear with a young baby and being military, I’m assuming your family isn’t nearby, but seriously, find a way to become independent of this man and find your way."
