Sage Penn always judged parents for this one particular offense. However, she did so before she decided to have children of her own. After Penn became a mother, a lot of things changed, including her stance on spanking. She shared her change of heart on ScaryMommy.com, where you can read the full essay, and we thought her experience warranted some discussion from our mommy readers.
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While spanking is a controversial subject, it is legal in all 50 states. Perhaps what is most important to remember about the hot button issue is that there is a difference between spanking a child as a form of discipline and a parent outright abusing their kid.
The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) describes spanking as, "Striking a child with an open hand on the buttocks or extremities with the intention of modifying behavior without causing physical injury."
According to Parenting.com, 74 percent of mothers agree that spanking is acceptable and most parents spank their children at one point or another. While there have been numerous studies, spanking hasn't been proven to be conclusively effective or, on the other end of the spectrum, damaging. Ultimately it's up to every parent to assess whether or not spanking is going to help or hurt their child.
What Penn learned is that maybe spanking is the only way her son will listen to her.
Read her story below and let us know in the comments: What has been your experience with spanking as a parent or a child? Did Penn do the right thing? Is it OK to spank a child? Is there a grey area?
“I got pregnant. Hormones turned me into a woman unable to suppress most of my thoughts. Anything was fair game. I thought a glass of wine would irrevocably damage a fetus, as would nitrates, raw fish, and unpasteurized cheese.
I was vocal about these beliefs, and I was vocal about my beliefs concerning appropriate child rearing. Especially with my sister-in-law, whom I dubbed, ‘Mrs. Spanky McSpankerson.’ I would engage her in argument after argument about how damaging spanking is to a developing child. I would send her articles, texts, whatever I found on the topic… Then, my son was born.”
"He was colicky from the beginning. As he grew, he went from a constant crier to a constant whiner. He was relentless. Peas were too green, cereal was too cold, his long-sleeved shirts were too long, and his yogurt tasted like … yogurt. How devastating.
After the era of whine, he became what some euphemistically call ‘strong-willed.'”
“We tried stern talking-to’s when he pulled the cat’s tail and threw blocks at the wall.
He laughed.
We tried time-outs when he refused to get in the car and when he screamed ‘NOOOOOO’ when told to take off his filthy long-sleeved shirt.
He laughed and stuck his tongue out.
We tried to praise his good choices, like when he chose to drink his milk instead of grinding it into the carpet.
He smiled, then maintained eye contact while pouring his milk directly into my shoe.
We tried natural consequences for bad choices – like if he refused to wear his coat, then he was going be be very cold during outside play.
Didn’t faze him AT ALL.
Then, one day, he slapped me in the face.”
"All my carefully crafted belief systems about raising children using love and logic and choices evaporated in a puff of smoke… I spanked him and said, 'You will not slap mommy. That is disrespectful. I am in charge, and you are not. This is not a choice.'…
He got over it in about two minutes. I didn’t break his spirit, and he continues to be a strong-willed child. But he is a respectful strong-willed child who thinks twice before he acts and makes better choices.
I no longer believe that parents who spank are child abusers. Now, I believe that those parents are simply strong-willed. And maybe a little desperate.”
Please SHARE Penn’s story and your thoughts on the subject: is spanking OK?
