When it comes to divorced parents remarrying other people, it can be tough to make sure that the kids shared by a former couple don't end up caught in the middle. One woman recently shared on Reddit that sentiment, despite the messy way her marriage ended.
She explains that she was betrayed twice-over, writing, "Two years ago my husband left me for my best friend after 20 years of marriage and they got married. As much as I loved my husband his affair wasn't a surprise, my MIL told me on our wedding day that men like him don't stay loyal to women like me. She was right. What hurt the most was the betrayal from my best friend. I loved this woman and considered her a sister."
The woman explains she doesn't speak to her ex or his new wife.
"Since then I have gone NC (no contact) from both of them," she says. "Any communication regarding the kids goes through a 3rd party. If they are at an event I don't go there. My kids know this and have respected this boundary, they know not to mention them to me. And we celebrate birthdays separately."
But her 16-year-old has a bond with her stepmother.
"The kids are now 16f, 17m, 17f, 18f, and 21m," the woman continues. "Recently when we were all at our house, 16f asked me if I was ok with her calling her stepmom 'mom', she said since she will have a half-sibling soon this will make the half-sibling not confused and part of the family."
The woman is still trying to be the better person.
"I told her that no, I am not ok with that woman being called 'mom', but she could call her that if she wanted to. Just because I don't like it doesn't mean she doesn't have to do it. I won't be mad at her if she calls her 'mom'. The other kids started getting mad at her but I shut them down."
Now her ex-husband's mom is mad at her, too.
"My MIL called me screaming saying I'm alienating the stepmom and I should have told 16f that I'm ok with it," she explains.
"I have an honest policy with my kids, I am always open and honest with them. Just because I do not personally like something they do, doesn't mean I don't let them do it. For example, 17m has a lot of piercings I personally do not like, but that doesn't mean I forbid him from having them."
The woman added a few more details to the post.
After her initial explanation, the mom ended up adding supporting details to the story:
"I just went up to my daughter's room. I gently asked her why she gave MIL my number. She said because 'grandma asked her.' I asked if it was her idea to call stepmom 'mom'. She said yes. I told her she is more than allowed to call her mom, it doesn't matter how I feel about it. I also told her that I went NC with her grandmother for a reason and she isn't allowed to give my number out to people I don't talk to. She apologized."
She also added that her oldest children are not OK with their stepmother.
"She was my best friend for 15 years and the kids considered her an aunt," the woman says. "When the affair happened the oldest kids stopped talking to her but the youngest was very attached to her still. Maybe that's why she feels comfortable with calling her 'mom'. Either way, it's her choice."
She also says her youngest and the stepmom have a close relationship.
"My youngest is a very loving person. Her step mom has been in her life since she was 1 year old. Back then she was 'auntie', after the affair all my other children turned away from her but it wasn't so easy for my youngest. She still cares for her."
Commenters are nice, but confused.
People have plenty of thoughts on the topic, starting with the teen's reasoning. One commenter said:
"I don't see how the half sibling would be confused if everything is explained to them like in any other blended family. Sounds like someone whispered in your kid's ear about the calling the mistress mum thing because I don't think a 16 year old would think about it on their own."
They also reject the idea that the ex or his new wife have class.
"Sorry, but your ex, his family and your former friend may have money but they have no class," said another commenter. "Your husband is an ordinary cheater, his new wife was a mistress and a dirty friend and MIL is a snob. How do they think that this new sibling is going to feel when they learn how their parents got together?
"Class doesn't always mean wealth. You have more class than they have in their little toes."
In the end, plenty of people think someone set the 16-year-old up.
"My parents split up in almost identical circumstances when I was about 6," one person said. "We never had a 'Stepmom' relationship with my dad's wife but even before i was as old as 16 I knew it would have absolutely broken my mum's heart if I called someone else that so it feels like someone pushed her to."
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
