Some couples choose to bring a child into the world via surrogacy because it offers them a lot of options: They can choose who carries their child, where that person gives birth, and still be connected to all the stages of pregnancy that they might not be able to experience themselves.
One woman recently shared on Reddit that she and her husband decided to take the surrogacy route when it was time to conceive a child. A friend of the family stepped up, which sounds great … until you hear the rest of the story.
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The woman and her husband weren't able to conceive on their own.
The woman begins by writing that she and her husband of five years needed help having a baby.
"My husband and I have been together for 5 years," she began. "We wanted kids but because of my health problems this wasn't possible. We decided to go with surrogacy, my friend nominated her sister ( Brittany 29) I agreed right away cause I know Brittany and the family."
So they ironed out the details.
The next step was making sure everything was OK.
"We've set everything up," she continued. "Discussed payment, short and long term plans, counseling and dr appointments. We explored IVF and chose a private [clinic] to get it done."
The surrogate started icing her out pretty early.
However, it seems that Brittany wasn't super concerned about including both parents in the updates, just the dad-to-be:
"It started after Brittany took a pregnancy test. She only told my husband though she had both our numbers. she only sent my husband a pic of the test while he was at work and sent me nothing when I gave her my personal contact info but it was okay."
Then the surrogate stopped letting the woman come to the doctor's visits.
Things escalated.
"Things got complicated when Brittany started having access to our credit cards for her own wants and claim they were the baby's needs," the woman explained. "She excluded me from dr visits and scans and had only my husband go with her. Her excuse was my husband drives and has time since I work and [am] 'unavailable' most of the time."
Meanwhile, the couple didn't realize how unusual the situation really is.
"I felt isolated from this experience but said nothing knowing she's bearing a lot of burden so I had patience," the woman said. "My husband had no idea what was going on and if this was normal. This was new to us so we didn't know."
Now the surrogate is seven months pregnant, and everything is intense.
Now that the pregnancy is coming to a close, things are getting even more complicated.
"She's 7 months in and last week she had us visit to discuss things that I thought we'd previously agreed on but she said she changed her mind about and her mom was there too. I heard Brittany out and was shocked when she gave a list of how things should be from now on since she said 'there was lot of confusion' in the past cause of me stressing her out by complaining."
Brittany told the mom she can't be in the delivery room.
"She requested she gets say in things like baby name after I 'deleted' the list of names she sent to my husband. She wanted more access to my husband's credit cards/free time to get stuff done at her place. Also more time with the baby than agreed on. Then wrapped up by saying only my husband should be with her in the delivery room and used the hospital as excuse."
That was the final straw.
For the woman, enough was enough.
"I got up and firmly stated I don't agree on her new terms and that she had to stop acting like she was my husband's wife and this was their baby," the woman wrote. "My husband didn't speak til she started crying. He asked me to sit down but I said I had boundaries, reminded her what her role was and how she overstepped."
Now people are attacking the woman for being unkind.
"Her mom went off and and said her daughter was being mistreated when she put herself mentally and physically through the most selfless act for us, to make us a family. She gave up a part of her life in those months to give us what we want and I was acting selfish and ungrateful. She had us leave then told my friend and it got more complicated. I was told to apologize for what i said."
As ever, it was time for Reddit to decide who is wrong here.
People are very worried.
One person pointed out the obvious immediately:
"Sounds like this was a set up. The friends sister wanted a baby with a man that could support her. I’m guessing she’s going to change her mind and hope the husband will leave op because it’s his child not ops [the original poster's]. Unless it was ops egg used, otherwise this is just a massive scam. Should have got a legal document and now op, you have to get a lawyer involved. She is definitely overstepping here and i think she’s using your husband as a sperm donor with benefits."
Another person offered two major rules for surrogacy.
"(1) Have a legally binding contract that clearly defines all the boundaries and to (2) never go with a surrogate adjacent to your personal life," the person advised. "I know people feel like thats more 'trustworthy' and I'm sure everyone thinks the people they know are 'the exception' – but they aren't."
The woman added more details that make everything worse.
To make matters worse, the woman added that there's no legal agreement between them.
"We did not have a legal contract because my friend said there was no need for us to do that and basically talked us out of it since we are considered family but we had an agreement including paying her."
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
