With the holidays fast approaching, we find our thoughts turning reluctantly to one of our least favorite parts of the festive season: shapewear.
We're talking control tops, we're talking tummy tamers, we're talking body stockings and spandex.
These are the squeezing, stretchy garments we tend to wiggle ourselves into come Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Shapewear is the natural conclusion to a challenging problem: How do you reconcile feasting on delicious holiday food with that unforgiving dress you already bought for the Christmas party?
But that doesn't mean we like wearing it, and this year, we're here to say enough.
Just like the bra before it, shapewear is no longer as welcome in our wardrobes as it once was.
This year, we're all for wearing something loose and comfortable, and enjoying our holiday meals free of guilt and that unpleasant squeezing sensation around our middles.
And we have some very good reasons for giving our shapewear the boot — scroll through below to learn why we should all stop wearing it immediately.
#1: It’s Hard To Breathe
Let's face it, trying to breathe in a body shaper is like trying to breathe with a giant rubber band looped around your rib cage.
As we all know by now, we kinda need to be able to breathe, and we're frankly not willing to compromise on this point.
Victorian ladies may have been willing to swoon in their corsets, but we're liberated ladies and we don't need to pass out during the holidays because we can't breathe.
#2: It Might Cause Tummy Trouble
It doesn't take a doctor to figure out that if you squish your tummy and digestive tract into a spandex tube, they probably aren't going to be all that happy.
Honestly, if our stomachs have reached the point where they can't even responsibly handle a Philly cheese steak without some gurgling, forcing shapewear into the picture isn't likely to end well.
This is especially true if you have IBS or a similar condition, since all that pressure on your abdomen can cause you to pass gas — or worse — without being able to control it.
#3: It Compresses Your Nerves
Sitting down for a meal or a Christmas church service in a tight body suit can have long-lasting consequences if you aren't careful.
That's because everything, from your blood to your nerves, passes through your midsection.
Staying seated with a lot of pressure around your waist and thighs can compress major nerves, and can even cause permanent nerve damage and numbness in your lower half if you make a habit of it.
#4: It May Cause Blood Clots
Sitting in shapewear is also really bad for your circulation, because all that squeezing right along the major blood vessels can seriously restrict your blood flow.
On the one hand, that can cause complications that are mostly just unsightly, like varicose veins and swollen ankles.
On the other, much more lethal hand, you could actually be encouraging your blood to pool and form clots in your legs, which is potentially life-threatening.
#5: It Can Cause Panic Attacks
If you've ever had a panic attack before, you know they are not at all pleasant, and actual mimic a lot of the symptoms of a heart attack.
You may feel panicky, faint, and sick to your stomach. You might even pass out, meaning that panic attacks can be pretty dangerous in their own right.
Why would shapewear cause one? Because panic attacks are often triggered by feeling like you can't breathe or aren't getting enough air.
#6: You Might Hold Your Pee Too Long
Here's a weird one: Did you know that if you put consistent pressure on your abdomen, your body might have trouble sending the signal "go to the bathroom" to your brain?
Contrary to popular belief, this kind of pressure on your bladder might actually trick you into thinking you don't have to pee.
Not being able to tell you have to go can contribute to anything from urinary tract infections to accidentally wetting yourself.
#7: It Can Actually Hurt Your Muscles
The greatest irony of shapewear is that we all put it on to make it look like we're a bit sleeker and more toned than we actually are.
In fact, shapewear has the opposite effect in the long run; it makes our muscles weaker and saggier by letting them be "lazy" and rely on the elastic to look more firm.
So really, it's just an endless conspiracy to make us look less toned, so we need more shapewear, which makes us look even less fit, and so on, and so on.
#8: You Don’t Need it
Take it from us: You are beautiful the way you are.
We totally get feeling more comfortable with your control-top tights in place, but we promise, you truly don't need it.
Our bodies have earned the right to relax a little. We don't have to look like Victoria's Secret models to know that we look damn good in the skin we're in!
Will you get rid of your shapewear this year? Let us know in the comments, and SHARE if you think all bodies are beautiful!
