Rodney Dangerfield was long considered "The King of the One-Liners," and his simple, yet witty remarks influenced an entire generation of comics to follow in his footsteps — from Stephen Wright to Demetri Martin.
Some say that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit and that puns are just childish, but come on, you have to admit that one-liners can be pretty damn funny. Tell me you haven't chuckled at something stupid written on a t-shirt or a bumper-sticker recently. I know I have.
Compiled here for your entertainment — or maybe to make you cringe — are 15 one-liners, some of which you may have never heard of before and others might have heard once too many. Either way, they should garner a reaction, whether it is a giggle, a burst of laughter, or just a groan.
If you have any of your own, feel free to add them in the comments and, if you really like some of these, then don't forget to SHARE!
1. "If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive."
2. "Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen."
3. "I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness."
4. "Telling a girl to calm down works about as well as trying to baptize a cat."
5. "You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera."
6. "I changed my password to "incorrect," so whenever I forget what it is the computer will say 'Your password is incorrect.'"
7. "I'm not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone."
8. "Before criticizing a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. Then criticize him, because you're a mile away and you have his shoes."
9. "If you're not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?"
10. "You're not completely useless; you can always serve as a bad example."
11. "Thanks for explaining the word 'many' to me, it means a lot."
12. "Top 3 situations that require witnesses: 1, crimes; 2, accidents; 3, marriages. Need I say more?"
13. "There are few things I enjoy more than picking an argument with my girlfriend when she has the hiccups."
14. "An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but an onion a day keeps everyone away."
15. "Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking."
