Experiencing burnout can not only lead to feelings of hopelessness and apathy, but it can also affect your daily life in terms of your relationships, job, and even how you raise your kids. It can be hard to admit to ourselves let alone another person, even the person who feels closest to us, but sometimes we just come to the end of our ropes after everything’s been piling up over an extended period and we feel as though we simply cannot take on another thing.
If you’re feeling more irritable than usual or hobbies and activities that you used to enjoy don’t even feel familiar anymore, it's probably time to discuss burnout with your partner. Experiencing burnout can make it difficult to communicate, especially if you find yourself feeling like you can’t even put forth the effort it takes to have a productive and open conversation with your partner about what you’re really going through.
For a little help and guidance on how you can productively address the topic of burnout with your partner when you're struggling and need their help (or you see them struggling), keep reading.
First, it helps everyone involved when you can both clearly identify the signs of burnout.
There’s feeling an accelerated rate of stress for a week or two, but burnout is way more than that. Connect Couples Therapy via the APA Dictionary of Psychology defines burnout as “physical, emotional, or mental exhaustion, accompanied by decreased motivation, lowered performance and negative attitudes toward oneself and others.”
The mental health organization notes that if you notice your partner is physically or emotionally exhausted a lot of the time — this could mean that they’ve stopped working out or engaging in physical activities that once brought them enjoyment or aren’t speaking up and communicating on matters that they used to have no issue bringing up before — they could be feeling burned out.
If you’ve noticed that they’ve stopped trying and don’t have the get-up-and-go that they used to have, in terms of how they engage or discuss work to even getting regular things done around the house, they could be experiencing burnout. Even getting irritated way more than usual and noticing mood changes can signify burnout and mean it’s time to have a real talk.
Openly discuss realistic ways the partner who is not experiencing burnout can take some weight off the other's shoulders.
One thing that every partner needs when they’re experiencing major burnout and are open to communicating with their partner about what it is they’re experiencing, is a judgment-free and emotionally honest conversation where the individual feels listened to and like their experience isn’t minimized in any way.
As a partner who is willing and able to help out their partner who is going through a burned-out period in their life, it’s important to try and come up with “practical solutions” that will not only help lower their stress levels but also help take some of the things off their plate that may be weighing them down. Making sure that the divide of duties at home and parenting or even parental caretaking are as equal as they can be is a great place to start.
After that, if your partner has bitten off more than they can chew at work with one too many projects or has signed up for one too many school-related activities for the kids, it is completely reasonable to come together and figure out what they need to step down from for the good of their mental health.
Take a good look at your family’s schedule and discuss which items may need to fall by the wayside for the time being.
For someone experiencing burnout, there is usually a stack of responsibilities and duties that are a mile high that they feel they need to accomplish on any given day of the week. Whether you’re the partner or spouse with a clearer head who’s simply trying to help or you’re the person suffering from burnout, sometimes some things need to go and that’s perfectly OK.
FirstThings.org notes that when you’re having a sit-down with your partner and the lines of communication are fully open, it’s a great time to get out your family’s schedule and take a good look at the calendar and all of your family’s commitments and where some cuts need to be made.
Also, the interpersonal relationships organization notes that “looking at the schedule with clear eyes can help you see patterns,” which can help to visually set the tone and allow each partner to see things for what they really are and allow you to come together as a couple to make decisions that involve lessening those stress levels.
Make the time and effort to connect with your partner again on a deeper level — extra points if it includes time for relaxation and self-care.
Psychology Today explains that feelings of burnout can often come with “feeling emotionally disengaged” or a “sense of detachment” from your partner as the person suffering from burnout might find themselves getting easily bothered by things that never even registered as an annoyance before or experience a general disinterest in activities that used to bring them together.
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The mental health publication explains that if you or your partner is suffering from burnout, it’s important to still try and “carve out time” together “with no distractions” so you can try and come back together and engage in activities that you once found joy in as a couple. Plus, if you can involve self-care in the shared pastime — anything from a couple’s massage to a full weekend away at a hotel while the in-laws watch the kids — the more likely it is that you can strengthen that connection again while also helping your partner come back into themselves again.
Don’t be afraid to talk to a therapist to help break down some of those communication barriers and assist your partner or yourself in developing better boundaries.
Dealing with anything to do with one’s mental health can often feel like a delicate issue, especially if you find that you don’t have the language down, so when in doubt, don’t feel any shame in reaching out to a mental health professional or counsellor to talk things out.
We all go through tough times in life and for those suffering from burnout, it can often lead to prolonged periods of depression or anxiety, which just exacerbates things. Speaking to a therapist as a couple may help both partners see things from a different perspective and assist the partner who is trying to work their way through burnout on how to set better boundaries and stick to them at work or with friends or family members who might not understand or see that they’re drowning or feeling overwhelmed.
