Anyone who has ever been a stay-at-home parent for even like a day and a half knows how hard it is. Being a caretaker, especially for babies or young children, can be joyful. But it can also be downright exhausting. That much is especially true if no one helps you out or takes the reins for a while so that you can have time to yourself.
But one man, a father of twin 2-year-olds, seems to have not gotten that memo. He took to Reddit's "Am I the A**hole?" forum to ask if his wife is out of line for asking for appreciation for her role as a stay-at-home mom. And honestly, just from reading his post, this mom seems to have her hands full and get very little acknowledgment from her husband. She also seems to have three toddlers on her hands — not two.
Here's how this giant man-baby kicked his post off. "I (36M) work full time and my wife (32F) is a SAHM looking after our 2 year old twins," he writes.
"When we got married, we both agreed that my wife would be a SAHM, especially since we don't have any family/grandparents nearby. We were both in agreement and my wife made it clear she wanted to enjoy seeing our kids grow up (we don't plan on having any more)."
It's clear that this was the agreement. But it's pretty fair to say that most people don't anticipate quite how draining it is to care for tiny humans 24/7 without a break until they have done it. He continues, seemingly trying to paint himself in a very admirable light. "I make a good wage so we are comfortable," he brags. "I don't give my wife any spending limits (obviously we discuss big purchases) so she is free to buy herself things, I make sure she has access to money and she takes care of everything around the house."
Before getting to his gripe, he reveals that he works from home from about 7 in the morning until 5 p.m., while the kids are completely the responsibility of his wife. He says that after caring for the toddlers all day, his wife then makes them all dinner. "We put them to bed together and my wife usually clears up in the kitchen," he writes.
If you're wondering why she cleans up the kitchen after caring for 2-year-olds all day, cooking everyone dinner, and putting the kids to bed, yeah, so were we.
She's also apparently killing it on all fronts, too. "She is great at her job and the house is spotless," the man says. "I am happy with this arrangement and I thought my wife was too." I mean, why wouldn't he be happy? He totally has it made.
But the most shocking part of the man's post is when he reveals what his wife is asking for. It seems to be pretty basic. She's asking for a tiny bit of appreciation for caring for both of their children day in and day out.
"Recently, she has been coming to me and saying that she feels burned out, unappreciated and taken for granted," he writes. "I asked if I could do anything to help and she said that it would be nice if I did something now and again to show that I appreciated her." She gave some examples of small things he could do that would mean a lot, like picking up her favorite chocolate bar to show his gratitude.
While most married couples with kids have had arguments about the division of labor, it's this man's response to his wife that is utterly enraging. He writes that a blowout argument ensued where his wife revealed her true feelings — that she feels she's "treated like a servant." No kidding!
"She basically said that her working hours are 5am – 9pm, 7 days a week and that she feels like I take her for granted." However, in his mind, she shouldn't ask for thanks any more than he should. "I told her that I understand it's a tough job but we both get on with our respective roles. I never ask her to thank me for making money, I think that's cringeworthy."
WOW.
What's truly cringe-worthy is needing the internet to tell you that you should appreciate your wife's seemingly endless love and care for your children. But he thinks that his wife shouldn't expect "presents and treats for doing her job." If you're grinding your teeth and yelling "leave him!" at your computer screen, seriously, we get it. She's asking for the bare minimum while single-handedly raising his kids. It's careless, self-absorbed, and entitled behavior. Sadly, even in modern-day parenting, it's still what a lot of men believe to be acceptable.
Luckily, the internet schooled him. Stay-at-home moms chimed in saying they were disgusted by his words. They pointed out how hard she is working and that he clearly can't see it. "It sounds like she is working harder than you, but that isn't even the point," one commenter wrote. "Appreciating her and showing her you love her is part of being a decent husband. If you're a robot who doesn't need appreciation, that doesn't mean she has to be too."
He was dubbed the a**hole, and truly, it's one of the most deserved labels we've ever heard. Hopefully, he takes what commenters are saying to heart … but we kind of doubt it.
