When it comes to starting a family, some of us have to go through many more challenges than others. Those challenges can make it tough to keep perspective through the process, and it can feel very exhausting and scary when you're trying to conceive a baby and it's not working out for you.
One woman recently shared on Reddit that she's been watching her sister go through exactly that experience, and she's been doing her best to help. Unfortunately, it seems like her best isn't enough for her brother-in-law.
The woman says no one in her family likes the brother-in-law.
"My sister, we’ll call her Tina, around 7 years ago, met and started dating her now-husband (we'll call him Greg), and none of us (her other siblings) like him," the woman began. "He doesn't treat my sister the way she should be treated, frequently speaking down to her and even insulting her looks/weight, and generally just being an [expletive] to us, her family."
Her sister has been trying to get pregnant for years.
"Now to the current problem: they have been trying to get pregnant and have a child since they got engaged," the woman explained. "They got pregnant on their own once, had a miscarriage around 6-7 weeks, and then never conceived naturally again."
The woman helped out in a major way.
"Back at the beginning of their relationship, I offered to donate eggs to them for free. After their miscarriage and further infertility issues, they started looking into IVF and approached me about my offer. I agreed to do it and went through the entire process. In the end, we got 30ish eggs, 25 or so were fertilizable but only one good embryo was left at the end, we were all devastated, and I was told I might be infertile."
Unfortunately, her sister still didn't conceive.
"They transferred the embryo, it didn't implant, and then tried the whole process again with a paid egg donor (which cost around 8-10k), and once again only got 1-2 viable embryos," the woman said. "Neither embryo took, and my sister did a bunch more testing/procedures to try and conceive and was unsuccessful."
Then they realized her husband might be the problem.
"Not too long ago, it came to light that part of the problem was that Greg was actively smoking weed when it came time to donate his sperm samples for the two egg donations, despite being told by the clinic that he couldn't smoke weed, or do any other drugs leading up to giving his sperm samples. Our family was very upset to learn this because we already don't like him, and we see our sister killing herself physically and mentally to give him a biological child, just for him to be unwilling to give one thing up to make the process work."
Now they're asking for money for an adoption.
"Now, they are trying to adopt, and have asked me and my husband (31M), our family, and everyone else to help them pay for it," the woman said. "My husband and I just had our first child this year, and aren't rich by any means. The problem for me is that Greg has made comments to me about how my egg donation wasn't enough and that if I was a good sister, I would help support them."
The woman doesn't know what to do.
"We haven't seen them since they put in the family group chat about wanting money, and I'm dreading the thought of seeing them because I know that they will bring up the fact that my sister paid for two of my semesters at community college and bought me a laptop for school, which they have told me that I don't have to pay them back. It's causing me a lot of anxiety because I know that Greg will not be respectful/gracious about asking, and my sister will cry and try to guilt us into helping them financially, which I'm not willing to do."
People aren't buying the couple's story.
One commenter pointed out that everyone knows the cost of eggs versus two semesters of community college is likely not the same: "People pay LOTS of money for eggs. Definitely more than a couple of community college semesters and a laptop, which they well know because they paid for the second round of eggs from a stranger."
They're also pointing out that her brother-in-law is ignoring his own responsibilities.
A second commenter implied that the woman's husband doesn't seem too committed to actually having kids: "Greg was in his 30s when they started this (yup, the man's age matters, too), and fertility clinics encourage male patients to adapt good lifestyle habits to help encourage healthy sperm development. It takes about 3 months for sperm to mature, so it's a commitment."
It's OK for the woman to focus on herself.
A third person encouraged the woman to walk away from the situation: "You went through all the necessary procedures to donate eggs. As they know full well from their second round of IVF, you could have charged them $8 to $10k for being an egg donor. Your community college tuition and laptop have been paid for by that debt and then some. If they ask, just say you have already contributed to this cause and now need to focus on your own family."
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
