Blending a family can be hard under the best of circumstances, and getting married to someone after their first spouse has died can make that even harder. One woman writes on Reddit that she and her fiancé are planning their wedding together, but her 17-year-old stepson has made a request that she's having a difficult time saying yes to.
It turns out the teen wants to display a presentation about his mom, who died from cancer, at the wedding.
She says he is very sensitive.
The woman writes, "My fiance (42 and I (36) are getting married before the end of this year (2022) He has a son (17) from his former marriage with his late wife who passed away from cancer. I'd like to think that my stepson and I have a good relationship. however he is the most sensitive and emotional kid I've ever met. I'm not saying that's a bad thing…..but it does make it difficult for me to deal with him sometimes."
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Her fiancé is OK with the plan.
"He said he has already prepared a PowerPoint project in honor of his mom and is planning on playing or displaying it at the wedding," the woman continues. "This was an instant no from me for many reasons. My fiance said we should let him because he just wants to remember and honor his mom. I told him that this occassion, the wedding has nothing to do with my stepson's mom so I'm not sure why put a whole Powerpoint project there at the wedding about her. it takes away guests attention and makes them confused. My fiance said we have to respect his son's wishes and also said he'll pay for the screen and everything. We had a huge fight about it and I refused to even consider it. the whole thing is just a no go. I even offered to have maybe few pictures or a seat as alternative but my stepson isn't having it."
The energy at home is pretty tough right now.
"Things have been pretty tense now," the woman says. "My stepson isn't talking to me, my fiance just keeps trying to guilt me into saying yes and it's all just making me feel overwhelmed. my fiance commented saying my refusal is an indication that I have an issue with my stepson's mom and that am being unfair to him since he spent so much time and effort to prepare this project that obviously…means a lot to him."
One commenter suggested an alternative plan that might work.
People agree with the woman, but they think she needs to be careful and considerate. One person wrote, "Sit down with your stepson and ask him to show you the slideshow. As you go, ask him to tell you stories about his mom and all the wonderful things he remembers about her. Then tell him that she sounds like she was a wonderful person, and she deserves to be remembered in her own context, and propose that you have a memorial service on a given day this year- say, the anniversary of her death, or her birthday- where she can truly be celebrated. (Maybe set this as like a month or two before the wedding for your sake). Suggest that this be a special party that he plans, with help if needed."
There's more to the plan.
The commenter continued, "Then say 'I know you wanted to play this at the wedding, but it's beautiful and it really deserves to be used at a celebration that is about your mom, not at a party to celebrate your dad and me. Let's use this for our memorial service instead.'
"In other words- affirm his grief and give him an outlet for the work he did, but stand firm."
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