Family traditions are a beautiful thing. One woman's family has an emerald necklace that is passed down from parent to child on the child's 14th birthday. The woman, 35, has one daughter, Emily, 13, from a previous relationship, and her husband, Joey, has a daughter, Sophia, 14, from his previous marriage, the woman explained in a Reddit post.
The girls are around the same age, which makes passing along the necklace a bit more complicated. However, the woman explained on Reddit that from the time that she started dating Joey, Joey knew that she intended on giving the necklace to Emily on her 14th birthday. They have been married for two years and dating for four.
Joey thinks Sophia should be gifted the necklace for Christmas.
Although Joey knows that his wife planned on giving the necklace to Emily, he recently mentioned giving it to Sophia as a Christmas gift. Sophia thinks the necklace is "gorgeous" and he thinks receiving it would help Sophia feel truly accepted by her stepmom.
The woman isn't in love with the idea.
Emily's 14th birthday is in January, so the mom was planning on giving it to her then. Emily is already aware of this tradition, she explained, so she is expecting to receive the necklace on her birthday.
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Joey accuses his wife of playing favorites.
Joey doesn't think it's fair to give the necklace to Emily. He thinks his wife is playing favorites and choosing her daughter over her stepdaughter. But the woman has made up her mind: She wants to give the necklace to Emily since Emily is expecting it.
Joey told the woman that she could buy Emily a different necklace from Amazon. "Joey accused me of favoring Emily over Sophia, being selfish, and told me that I could get another emerald necklace from Amazon in order to make it up to Emily," the woman wrote.
He has been giving her the silent treatment.
Now, Joey won't talk to his wife when they're alone. In front of the kids, he'll act fine, but otherwise, he's giving his wife the silent treatment. He also told his mom and his sister about the situation, and they agree with him.
The woman took to Reddit to see if other people agree that she's being selfish and playing favorites.
He could get a necklace from Amazon for Sophia, some Redditors suggested.
Many Redditors sided with the woman and said that it's fair for her to give the necklace to Emily, especially because she understands and appreciates the family tradition and has been waiting to receive the necklace. If the woman's husband really wants Sophia to get a necklace like it, he can buy another one for her, some suggested.
"Why doesn’t he get the Amazon necklace for his daughter?" one Redditor suggested. "Seems more appropriate than passing down the family heirloom to his. If it was his and her appreciation of the tradition behind it, he would have brought this up before her 14 birthday. Not after she’s already 14."
They could use it as an opportunity to start a new tradition.
To help Sophia feel included, the family could also start their own tradition and give Sophia a different necklace, several people suggested. Joey could help Sophia pick out a necklace, and they could start a tradition where she passes the necklace along to her future child, they explained.
"Get her her own necklace to pass down from your family between you and your husband where you can start your own tradition," one Redditor wrote.
"You can absolutely buy a new piece of jewellery to give to your stepdaughter, but the original necklace is Emilys," another user chimed in. "It may be different if you and your partner had been a blended family since the girls were babies, but to have Sophia come into Emily's life only 4yrs ago and take her family heirloom would be awful. If I were Emily I genuinely don't know if I could get over that."
He probably doesn't want to pay for the necklace, one Redditor suggests.
Many Redditors had ideas like these. One suggested buying a sapphire or ruby necklace for Sophia. Another said that the MIL and SIL could give Sophia a family heirloom or gift her a necklace. One Redditor agreed that doing so would not be that hard — but Joey probably doesn't want to pay for it.
"I suspect he wanted his daughter to have the expensive jewelry that he didn't have to pay for," one Redditor responded. "So buying a similar quality piece and starting a tradition for his daughter is entirely feasible if it means that much to them, but bottom line, he doesn't want to pay for that."
In fact, it's a pretty big red flag if you ask some Reddit users.
Bottom line: Wanting to give Sophia a necklace makes complete sense. But instead of suggesting that the family start a new tradition and buy a necklace for Sophia, too, Joey asked his wife to prioritize his biological daughter over hers, and is also giving his wife the silent treatment, which some Redditors think is a red flag. Since Emily is expecting the necklace, giving the necklace to Sophia would probably lead to conflict and make Emily feel bad, many Redditors pointed out.
"A nice gesture would have been to get a comparable necklace for stepdaughter and start a new tradition," one Redditor wrote. "What a nice, normal, sentimental solution that he practically suggested himself in reverse. Instead your husband chose to go nuclear with it. For no reason other than to cause conflict and strife. I'd be reevaluating things if it were me."
Her husband sounds entitled.
Redditors added that the woman's husband sounds entitled. He accused the woman of prioritizing Emily, but at the same time, wanted her to prioritize Sophia. To many, the solution is simple: If the necklace is so important to him, he can start a new tradition with his daughter. But based on the way he has acted, some Redditors are worried that he could try to steal the woman's family heirloom. The necklace could "mysteriously disappear" someday, one user wrote.
Another pointed out that Joey already knew that Emily was going to get the necklace, and Sophia has already celebrated her 14th birthday, so something isn't adding up.
"Now he wants you to give your stepdaughter the necklace for Christmas barely even a month before Emily is set to recieve it instead?" the Redditor wrote. "Out of curiosity, how long ago was Sophia's birthday because if it was about tradition he should have brought it up /way/ before now. Plus, if her birthday has already been: did she express any sadness over not having gotten it already as far as you're aware?"
Because he seems to feel entitled to his wife's family heirloom, many wondered if his entitlement is a pattern. Either way, Redditors agreed that what's done with the necklace is up to the woman, not her husband — but also, they concluded, it clearly belongs to Emily.
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