COVID-19 has had a devastating impact on the United States.
No one knows that better than the thousands of Americans who have lost their partners to the virus. There are so many families, big and small, coping with the absence of loved ones.
Many of those mourning the loss of loved ones are also teeming with anger. Some blame governmental failures for the deaths. Others are upset that there seems to be no help available for those who need it most. As many people rush back to their new normals, they're rushing past people who won't ever feel like anything's normal again.
BuzzFeed News spoke with some of the widowed about their losses. It's clear that the pain is amplified by the knowledge that this didn't need to happen. Most are planning to demonstrate their frustrations at the polls in an election that feels heavier than any that's come before it. All are finding comfort and community in those who are going through the same thing.
There are people who have been very outspoken about the deaths of their significant others due to COVID-19. Some have been able to channel their heartbreak into action. Others find themselves too overcome to go through the basic motions of the day, let alone a political movement.
Some women have found community in others going through the same experience. BuzzFeed News spoke with loved ones finding comfort in the COVID-19 Widows and Widowers Support Group. The private group has grown to over 30 members since it was created in April.
One of those is 28-year-old Tulsi Patel-Workoff of Huntington, New York. Her 33-year-old husband, Luke, died of COVID in early April.
"It's comforting. That's really the only way I could put it," she says.
"They're going through everything I'm going through. I need that support from someone else going through it."
"We call each other when we're having a difficult time," said another group member, Natasha Gibbons-Hodkinson. The 37-year-old lost her husband, Gregory, in April. He was 47.
"It's been helpful to speak to others that feel what we're experiencing."
The group's creator, Christina Berry, lost her husband, Lew, in April. She tries to keep politics out of the conversation in the group, but they do air their frustrations about those who don't take the virus seriously.
"I've had multiple people tell me COVID is not real, blah blah blah," Christina said.
"One of the widows I talked to, she's been hearing, 'It's all a big conspiracy theory and the hospitals are giving lethal injections.' It's crazy stuff, like, who says that to people?"
With COVID-19 constantly in the news, it's hard to move on from the loss. Michele Neff Hernandez, the founder of Soaring Spirits International — an organization that helps people dealing with the death of a spouse connect with one another — explained the unique hardships of this situation.
"What's really been hard, I think, is news that it could've been better," she said.
"Let's say the pandemic was handled in a different way and we shut down earlier, how many of their people might be alive? It's a really hard thing to wrap your head around."
Christina admitted that the last few weeks of news, in particular, have been difficult with the outbreak in the White House.
"It was kind of triggering, just all that in the news," she said. That said, she doesn't harbor anger with the president and his administration.
"You know, some people are saying he deserves to die from it, and while I don't like him and don't agree with him … I still wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy."
Some women who have lost loved ones do place the blame on the man at the top of it all. One is Stacey Nagy, who channeled that anger into her husband's obituary, leading it to go viral.
"Family members believe David's death was needless," she wrote.
"They blame his death and the deaths of all the other innocent people, on Trump, [Texas Gov. Greg] Abbott and all the other politicians who did not take this pandemic seriously and were more concerned with their popularity and votes than lives.
"Dave did everything he was supposed to do, but you did not. Shame on all of you, and may Karma find you all!"
Stacey's pain has been amplified by the threats she's received since the obituary went viral. She cannot put a Biden-Harris sign on her lawn for fear of violence. Instead, she showed her support by getting her ballot in early.
"Trump has no sympathy, no empathy, and he doesn't think about all the people that have died and all the families the dead people have left behind," she said.
"He is a sick, sick man, and I hope to god he is not reelected. The whole country is full of sad people who've lost loved ones, and he doesn't care."
Kristin Urquiza spoke at the Democratic National Convention in August. She explained her father thought it was safe to resume normal activities as the president encouraged states to open back up. He'd go on to die from the virus.
For her, politics is a necessary component of moving forward and taking action so that no one else has to feel the pain she's felt.
"There are some grief circles out there that currently exist around COVID that are strict about not being political, and I understand that, but I wouldn't be able to show up into that space," she noted.
Kristin started the organization Marked by COVID in honor of her father, Mark. It organized a national "week of mourning" this week.
"My anger about the policy failure, the leadership failure, the lies, I can't stifle that, so I'm creating this additional space for people who are ready to channel their pain into purpose."
Democratic National Committee spokesperson Chris Meagher does think many families who have lost loved ones are considering voting blue. They believe many are unwilling to forgive this administration.
"People like Kristin Urquiza and others around the country who have lost family members are sharing their personal stories and raising their voices to talk about what's at stake with this election," he noted.
The Trump campaign stands by the president's record.
"As President Trump has said on multiple occasions, the loss of a single American life is tragic," spokesperson Courtney Parella said.
"Coronavirus is a deadly enemy that has threatened us and our loved ones, but despite what the mainstream media and Democrats may peddle, President Trump and his administration faced this pandemic head-on."
Christina Berry once considered herself a moderate. She's voted for candidates on both sides before, but now she's strictly looking at the left in hopes they can make things right.
"I cannot vote for someone who I blame for the death of my husband."
