My 6-year-old son loves animals. When I say he loves animals, I mean he loves animals more than anyone I've ever met in my entire life. They are pretty much his entire world. While he has his own dog, who he insists sleeps in his bed (in the exact right position) every single night, he can't walk past a dog without saying, "Hi, doggy!" and probably asking to pet it. He loves all animals, no matter what kind.
He'd love it if we straight-up lived in a petting zoo, but my house is not that big. So a few months ago we added a hamster to our brood. She was cute and furry but kind of mean. She bit and was very antisocial. He didn't care. He loved her anyway, and eventually she did warm up to him more than anyone.
He also took to feeding her animal crackers covered in icing, which possibly led to her untimely death. Just a couple of months after we adopted our new pet, we found her in her cage, under a pile of shreds … not moving. Turns out hamsters are prone to diabetes. No, seriously. I looked it up.
When we first discovered that Fang was no more, my son was hysterical. Like, completely inconsolable. No matter what I said or did, he wouldn't stop crying. I felt awful that she had lived such a short life. But I felt worse for how hard he was taking it.
It didn't matter to him that she was "just a hamster." She was his pet, and he really loved her. But he was brave. Through his tears, he helped scoop her out of the cage and put her in a small plastic bag. Then we carried her out to the garage, where she would await her proper funeral. I promised him we would have one.
Because the ground was cold and icy, I told my son that we should wait until it softened. So, for the next two weeks, Fire Fang's body sat in the garage. I thought she'd be "out of sight, out of mind," but my son was still upset. He would wander around and randomly sob out "FIRE FANG!" I couldn't ignore the fact that his devastation was very real.
Finally, a warm day came, and the ground was soft enough to have the ceremony. We went out back and dug a small hole in the ground. My son was mostly calm until it came time to drop Fire Fang in the hole. He became hysterical and wouldn't let me put her in. I simply couldn't convince him. I asked if he wanted to do it himself. He tried, but just sat there with the shovel in his hand and Fire Fang on the end of it. He couldn't part with her.
After a lot of back and forth, tears, and my kid even digging her back up once, Fire Fang was resting peacefully in the ground. But it had all been awful. The funeral was so much sadder than I imagined it would be. Truly, my son was grieving, as silly as it might sound. He was really struggling to let go of his hamster. But the loss, no matter how small, was real to him.
I know it sounds completely ridiculous to have a funeral for a hamster. I mean, we stood there in the yard. My son sobbed loudly. We said nice things about her and thanked her for teaching us about the nutritional needs of hamsters. We even made her a tiny headstone. But it was closure my son desperately seemed to need. It was also a hard lesson about life and loss — one that, unfortunately, he'll have to learn over and over again. But acknowledging the hamster's death, rather than just trying to look past it, felt like a healthy introduction to death. Even though it was, admittedly, pretty upsetting.
Still, death is not something any of us can avoid. We have to face it in big and small ways all the time. Some kids don't pay much attention to it. For example, when our cat died years ago, my older daughter didn't even shed a tear. But my son is far more sensitive. And even for his tiny furry pet, he needed to know that it was OK to be sad, even to grieve, and to find a way to say goodbye.
Of course, he wanted to go straight out and get a new hamster. But I insisted we wait just a few days. The death of Fire Fang was still raw. I told him we needed to heal a while longer.
Later in the week, we dropped off his big sister at ballet, and I told him we were headed to PetSmart. He was so excited he couldn't contain himself. We spent a lot of time picking out our new hamster. We even talked to the woman who worked there, who told us that dwarf hamsters tend to be friendlier and don't mind being held as much. We opted for a tiny little girl hamster. And my son was in love all over again.
We're hoping for a longer shelf life on this one, whose name is Grip (because she has a strong one). But no matter when she does go, perhaps this time we will be slightly more prepared. The circle of life is tough, especially on little animals lovers with massive hearts.
Lord help me when the dog goes.
