Getting separated is difficult — especially with young children in the mix. While everyone assumes they'll still be friends with their ex, sometimes it just doesn't work out that way. But one mom is having somewhat of a unique battle in regard to child support.
Oftentimes, women need to fight hard for child support. But in this case, a Redditor feels like her ex is giving too much. She opened up about it on Reddit, hoping to get other perspectives.
"So, my ex gives me a generous amount of child support every month and I use about 20-30% of it maybe," she admitted. "I'm very good at budgeting since my mum raised me on her own and we always stuck to a strict budget. My ex grew up being overindulged and knowing he would never have to worry about money in his lifetime, so we have different ideas of what living cheaply looks like."
"Recently my ex wanted to have a word with me because he didn't like the fact that I made our son walk home from school," she said. "He wanted to know why I wouldn't buy a car and offered me money to get one when I told him cars were expensive and I thought it was a waste of money. I told him no since I would rarely use it."
The son is only 4, so the car would be for her to use.
"He then told me to take an uber home instead of making him walk," she added. "Again, I told him no and he brought up all of the other ways he thought I was making our son 'live cheaply'”. For example: I didn't buy him new football boots or a goal when he started getting into football (he is only 4), I buy him 'cheap' clothes, I rarely take him to eat out and if we go to a toy shop, I only ever let him get one thing and it can't be super expensive."
It makes sense for a mom to want to live on a budget. It's important for her to teach her son that he can't necessarily get everything he wants, and it helps set an example. But it might make you wonder how she does spend the money she gets for his primary care.
That's when she got real about where the money goes.
"My ex wanted to know what I was using all of the money he gave to me on if I was raising our son like this, so I explained I never used most of it but kept it in a separate account for either a rainy day or for our son," she said. "Now he's angry at me for making our son 'live cheaply' and essentially told me to stop saving and actually give our son the things he wants now because he had already made sure our son would be fine in the future."
It definitely appears as if her ex is well-off and doesn't need to budget.
Surprisingly enough, much of Reddit sided with her husband. And that's because those payments are made for a reason — for her son. But she was quick to make some clarifications. For one, she's not pocketing that money for herself.
She stated that the saved money would likely go to him when he's older and in charge of his own funds.
"Certain emergency situations will directly impact my son, hence why I said I could potentially use the money for a rainy day," she said. "Earlier in the year I had to take him abroad unexpectedly to go to his paternal great grandmother's funeral and the excess child support meant I didn't need to worry about how I would pay for the flights or [health crisis] related extra expenses. I also stated I would give the money to my son when he's older."
But that doesn't mean that she can't also make a few upgrades to her situation. For example, while she walks with her son to school, that walk is 25 minutes. It's good for the environment and for their health, but that situation may change when the weather gets colder.
It seems like the best way to handle this is with a bit of balance.
Is she an awful mom for withholding extras? Not at all. One Redditor said it best, stating: "You can try to limit the purchases and teach him something. He is little now. However, his father will be buying him expensive stuff down the road. That will eventually lead to your son favoring his father over you. If you go so far as to prohibit some purchases, then it can lead to the resentment."
While this mom is definitely providing for her child, maybe she should open up her budget just a little bit. She doesn't need to buy every toy or a car, but she can, perhaps, upgrade his clothes with the money she's getting. That wouldn't put too severe of a dent on the monthly contributions, but it'd be a step up that her ex can visibly see.
It's a situation that a lot of moms might wish they were in.
It can be hard for moms who don't have child support to help provide for their children. But this mom has insinuated that future expenses like college were already taken care of, so she's actually in a pretty good situation. Hopefully, she and her ex can sit down and have a meeting where they decide the best ways to allocate the money.
But at the same time, it's important to commend this mom. She's looking ahead to the future to make sure that money will never be an issue if something big and important comes up for her son, and that's more valuable than fancier toys. But since the son is only 4, it's probably best that they figure out this issue together now before money really starts causing a wedge between them.
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