Being a parent can be very overwhelming. Whether you have one kid or a houseful, there are a lot of things about the experience of parenting that can leave you feeling frazzled.
There's being frazzled, and then there's something more. Molly Nourmand is a licensed psychotherapist and founder of Life After Birth, a postpartum support community that gives new moms and birth-giving people a place to connect and make sense of their initiation into parenthood. She's also a highly sensitive person and a parent who has dealt with many of the struggles that have faced us all in the last year or two.
In a conversation with LittleThings, Molly explains what it's like being a highly sensitive parent, describes how it impacts relationships with your children and other people in their lives, and provides tips on getting through.
Molly Nourmand knows that being highly sensitive might just sound like an "internet thing" to some. She also knows that it's a very valid condition, as someone living with it.
"A highly sensitive person has challenges processing different sensory information," Molly, a licensed psychotherapist, explains to LittleThings.
"The term has some commonalities to being on the autism spectrum, but also to being socially classified as an 'introvert' or 'empath.'"
"A highly sensitive person may be sensitive to strong sensory experiences, such as bright light, strong smells, and loud sounds," she notes.
"While there's overlap with introversion and empaths, not all who classify as introverts or empaths are highly sensitive, and vice versa."
Molly explains that parenting as a highly sensitive person has its challenges and strengths. A lot of those challenges can come in the early days of parenting.
"Moms that are highly sensitive people are at an increased risk of perinatal depression and anxiety (PNAD)," Molly notes.
One of the most difficult things for new parents who are highly sensitive is operating with less sleep in the early days of parenting. A lack of sleep may not seem like a big deal, but for highly sensitive people, it can exacerbate anxiety or depression they already may struggle with.
Parents even find themselves combating guilt because the loud, relentless cries of their babies frazzle them as highly sensitive people. While these moments are undoubtedly tough, there are upsides as well.
"Highly sensitive parents are much more empathically attuned to their children. They learn their cries and how to read and respond to them," Molly notes.
Today's reality has led many parents to seek out and embrace their village when it comes to raising their child. That said, that can involve a lot of interfacing with other adults in your child's life, which can be stressful for a highly sensitive parent. Molly feels the best way to handle it is to be upfront and manage expectations.
"Educate the other adults in your child's life about what being highly sensitive is like," Molly encourages.
Molly notes that the reactions highly sensitive people have in certain situations could confuse people. If they don't understand you are experiencing a sensory-processing challenge, then sometimes behaviors can be misread as controlling, angry, or standoffish.
Setting boundaries is key to managing being highly sensitive on a day-to-day basis. Yet it's something that many highly sensitive people struggle with. Molly uses an example of a day out at the park with your child.
"If you're at the park with your child and you've had enough stimulation and socialization and are ready to go home and recharge, it's important to set that boundary with your child," she explains.
"If you don't set the boundary, overstimulation and being overwhelmed might turn into resentment. You may snap at your kid, but if you calmly but firmly set the boundary, you can avoid that," she continues.
"Enforce the boundary while remaining calm, but firm. Work on self-regulating as you move toward a resolution."
In the last year, parents in general are arguably more burnt out than ever before. Coping with that burnout can be tough, but being honest with yourself is key, Molly explains.
"Check in with yourself when you're committing to social things," she urges.
"Look at your calendar and see what your nervous system can handle to avoid getting resentful and overstimulated. Tolerate a little more guilt and say no to things."
Molly shares a saying she once heard that's become a mantra to her and many others during this time:
"Ask your body for consent before you commit to things."
Molly notes that it's not just limited to social things but work commitments and the holidays as well.
As you move into the holiday season, you may find there's a more overwhelming feeling around socializing. There are also health concerns, which will look different for every family.
"It's important to unite with your partner, communicate with them, and weigh the pros and cons of seeing family or traveling and being informed," Molly suggests.
"Know what the repercussions look like for your family."
There are some extra tools that can help calm and soothe a highly anxious person as they navigate this challenging time of year.
"Noise canceling headphones can be a great investment, especially in active households, that can help soothe the highly sensitive person's nervous system," she suggests, also adding that weighted blankets are helpful.
Highly sensitive people will benefit most from educating themselves on what they're experiencing, Molly points out. Learning how your sensory processing is different from others can really help you feel seen if you're highly sensitive. Additionally, it's important to stay up on self-care and set those boundaries.
