I waver at times with my concern and guilt over how much time my kids spend on screens and then remember that the TV was always on in the house I grew up in and my brother and I could play the Nintendo whenever we wanted — as long as my mother wasn’t watching some old Western. When we weren’t fighting over what game to play, I have positive memories of playing Duck Hunt and Super Mario with my brother. Any bad memories or mistakes I have made in life have little to nothing to do with the television or game consoles. I also tell myself to relax when I hear my kids laughing and yelling with each other as they build and navigate imaginary worlds. Contrary to my fear of zombie children who won’t know how to entertain themselves without screens, gaming together is another valuable and meaningful way in which they play together and not a replacement of their energy or creativity.
My kids would love to have more time to play Minecraft and Roblox. But, despite their wishes, they’re not on screens every day or for large chunks of time. The time just isn’t there. My kids play sports year-round, and our busy schedule means that time at home — especially after school — is reserved for meals, reading, or chilling out for a bit. Hopping onto their tablets for 20 minutes at a time is a disaster because it’s too hard for them to transition off them. Sunday morning is their time to binge for about two to three hours, and then they usually get a couple of hours throughout the week.
When they do have time to settle in with their tablets, I love that they play with each other in whatever game they choose. They chat with each other almost as much as they do during non-screen play (they fight sometimes too) and work together to build worlds and race their characters through obstacles. They’re still tapping into the same teamwork and creativity that they do during free play. If I’m being honest, my kids work together better when they’re gaming than when playing board games or building Lego structures.
My kids are living examples of the benefits of gaming and ease my unfounded fears about time holding a tablet. They’re working on problem-solving skills and improving their social interactions. This is especially true when they play with friends online. They’re strengthening bonds and friendships while trying to avoid mobs or paintballs; they offer each other help, support, and forgiveness. Studies have even shown that gaming can increase cognitive function and improve test scores as well.
The debate over screen time is endless and should ultimately come down to what works for your kid and your family without shaming other parents’ decisions. Whether you have strict limits on the amount of time your kids spend watching TV or playing video games or don’t have any limits, there are pros and cons to screen time and gaming. An argument can be made that it’s not just the amount of screen time that kids have that could do harm but that parents need to be aware of what their kids are doing while online and on their devices. What are they playing and with whom? Is their schoolwork getting done? Are they still engaged with other activities they love? How is their mental health? It’s up to parents to have honest conversations with ourselves and our kids before making screen time the villain.
I try to look at screen time and gaming as a quality versus quantity situation. At least once a week, we have what my kids call an “eat and watch” night. This is when we have dinner in the living room while watching a movie or an episode or two of a show we’re watching together. We’re not just watching TV; we’re sharing an experience. We’re engaged with each other and in what we’re seeing. Great snuggles and conversations come out of those eat and watch nights. I don’t take away this opportunity if the kids have already had gaming time. If we can create positive memories and deeper connections, I don’t care if the day has more than our average amount of screen time. It’s more important to make sure my kids are using their online privileges responsibly and treating each other, me, and their other parent with respect.
Sometimes I jump in and try gaming with my kids. They find it highly entertaining to watch me fumble through something that has become second nature to them. I really don’t know what I’m doing — though I’ve gained a basic understanding of Animal Crossing. More often than not I’m doing chores around the house, reading, or getting a little work done while my three squeal and shout encouragement and warnings to each other while they avoid lava or other perilous situations.
Virtual gaming is different from building blanket forts or playing hand after hand of Uno, but the results are usually the same. My kids are having fun together and finding new ways to stay connected as they get older and our lives become busier with school and sports. This is a win in my book.
