Finding a good nanny can be extremely difficult — and expensive. Even finding a reputable babysitter was tough for me starting up. How would I know whom to trust? There are so many horror stories out there, and I was afraid of making the wrong choice.
Reliable nannies can be even harder to find since you're looking for someone to dedicate a ton of time to your family. The longer a nanny stays with you, the more that employee can feel like a part of your family. Sometimes you might forget that this is a business relationship, and that at some point your nanny will move on to other opportunities.
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It can be heartbreaking when a nanny leaves. This is someone who left an imprint on the lives of your children. However, it's something you need to get over. Your nanny may be terrific, but his or her overall purpose in life isn't to be a paid part of your family.
One nanny posted an honest question to Reddit sharing their story. Turns out, the nanny is being bullied for trying to move forward.
The OP (short for "original poster") mentioned that they've been with this particular family for two years. "The family consists of Mom, Dad, 6-year-old, and 3-year-old," OP wrote. "I decided to leave the position after going back to school full-time. To make the transition easy for them, I gave a 4 week notice."
While the family had nannies leave them before, none of them seemed to want to transition to a new position in the way this one did. While back at school, the nanny has also worked at a preschool as a substitute teacher. Those positions get called in on an as-needed basis, so it's more of a flexible position. However, the parents were concerned because it was the same school their 3-year-old attends.
"Dad said, 'We are telling the girls you’re leaving, but then you show up at the preschool and it’s hard to explain why you have time for the preschool and not for us,'" OP wrote. "It’s probably hurtful for them. Especially because the 6-year-old goes to a different school and does not get to see you. We are not going to ask you or tell you to leave the preschool, but we would prefer if you left."
That puts this nanny in an awkward position. While OP probably loves the kids they watched and wouldn't wish them any harm, it's also controlling for the father to straight-up say that the nanny plan their life schedule around what's best for a 3-year-old. For the record, 3-year-olds are very adaptable and often change their mind on things.
Then the mom gave the nanny one of the biggest insults ever. After OP offered up some legitimate ideas to work around the issue (such as working at the school when the 3-year-old wasn't expected to be there), the mom made the former nanny feel horrible all around. "Mom was not happy with my ideas and became very emotional and upset and said, 'Did you even stop to think about anybody else?'" OP wrote.
People on Reddit couldn't believe the audacity of the mom. It's ridiculous to try and schedule your life around a former client. Keep in mind, it's not like OP will be getting paid to amend their schedule in favor of this family. The suggestions made were all out of the goodness of OP's heart — but the parents refused to see it that way.
"My entire two years was me giving myself away to give for these girls and the whole family," OP explained. "I was a killer nanny: I worked for 12 hour days without a break, I worked the girls’ birthday parties, I would watch the girls AND their friends while the parents hung out with each other, I read the literature they gave me on my off-time so I could learn about their parenting philosophy, I haven’t asked for a raise even though my responsibilities have changed, and I would stay past my end time so I could update them on the day."
So in short, OP was more or less the dream nanny. But all past accomplishments and great family moments seemingly washed away the second OP didn't drop out of the preschool automatically. And now OP is wondering whether or not that decision made them the "a**hole" here.
Reddit seemed to fully agree that OP is "NTA," or "Not The A**hole." "Stop letting them call the shots in your life," Redditor tacobelley said. "Take back the power that they feel they have. Let them know you’re done engaging in this with them and move on. You owe them absolutely nothing."
Others felt like it was entirely up to the parents if they wanted to keep a relationship with their former nanny and 6-year-old alive. "You are pre-disposed to kindness," BrownBirdDiaries wrote. "If they want the six-year-old to see you, what the actual heck, honey– have them pay you to occasionally babysit on a Friday night. Not a d*mn thing wrong with them girls learning early that people have to move on but can still care."
OP's post is important for a few reasons. For one, sometimes we, as people, are so dedicated to pleasing others that we forget that our feelings and well-being matter as well. This nanny did everything right but still managed to feel like they were letting down people OP genuinely had a good relationship with. It's almost as if the parents knew they could guilt OP to get their way.
It also shows how dedicated nannies really are. OP was willing to compromise, when there was no obligation to do so, to make sure that the children weren't feeling neglected. If the parents just told their children that OP had another opportunity but would still be around occasionally to babysit (if that was the agreement), all of this could have been avoided. OP still could have seen the kids on terms that weren't so "traumatizing."
Plus, the main reason OP was leaving wasn't to substitute-teach at the preschool. It was to go back to school and gain an education. What a great role model! Sadly, these parents were so wrapped up in their own selfish motives, they couldn't process the bigger picture. They also literally didn't care about their nanny enough to support OP's pursuit of an advanced education.
Hopefully by posting this, OP was able to process the situation a little better. OP should know that they're in the right, and a bunch of people agree. Once-good relationships can quickly turn toxic after you realize that the other party has no respect for you.
If you are ever in the position to hire a nanny, remember that you're not hiring someone to permanently tend to your family.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
