For reasons that continue to mystify, a lot of people still get very up in arms about how a new mom or dad does or doesn't feed their baby. As someone who has fed babies just about every way you can, I can attest that there are pros and cons to each. Ultimately, how a parent decides to feed their baby is up to the parent, and that should basically be good enough for … everyone involved.
One woman recently shared on Reddit that she just had a baby, and one way she and her partner are trying to keep up with their sleep is by taking care of the baby in shifts. The woman explained that her husband is a "night owl," so they came up with a solution that's working well:
"So, because of this, we reached an agreement that it has been working for both of us: he takes care of the baby during the night time so I can sleep, and I take care of the baby during the day so he can sleep. We are very lucky to have an easy baby, and with this schedule, both of us can get a good few hours of sleep per day. Not the full 8h of sleep (because who can with a baby at home?) but a good 3-5h per day/night."
Sounds pretty dreamy, right? She went on to explain that the way they make this work is by feeding their baby breast milk by bottle at night:
"Now, how do we do this? Before I go to bed I breastfeed her, and pump a few bottles for when she's hungry during the night that my husband can feed her without waking me up. She doesn't mind, and I can sleep more than 30min at a time! I even talked with her pediatric doctor, and she said as long as the baby is feeling okay and fed, it's okay."
That should be where the story ends, right? Because it appears that everyone who matters — the parents and the baby — are happy with the pediatrician-approved arrangement. Alas:
"Now, the issue: we had our weekly skype call with SIL yesterday, and I was pumping. She asked what I was doing, and I explained to her our arrangement. She went ballistic. Saying that I was being selfish and putting my sleep and not my daughter as a priority and that babies shouldn't be bottle-fed, only breastfed."
The new mom was surprised, and launched in defense mode:
"I defended myself by saying something like 'what if I couldn't breastfeed? What if I didn't produce enough milk and had to use formula? She would be using a bottle for that as well' , and my husband agreed with me, but at the end of the call, even though I don't think I'm an [expletive], I was feeling incredibly guilty that I wasn't exclusively breastfeeding, and feeling that I am indeed putting my wellbeing (sleep) in front of my daughter's…"
New parents often wrestle with two very real, often conflicting truths: They are sleep-deprived and unable to be their best selves as parents, and their babies are the light of their lives (and also the reason they are sleep-deprived). It's pretty galling that the woman's sister-in-law took a situation that doesn't impact her to this level.
Plenty of people weighed in on the woman's situation, and most of them offered support:
"Male here. I have three sons. My wife breastfed all of them. Except when she was too tired or otherwise unavailable. Then we either used pumped milk or formula. They are 23, 21 (today!) and 16 now. All are fine. I remember back in the day there were a few militant breastfeeders in my wife's circle. They went too far in my opinion.
“May I suggest that you take care of yourself just as much as you take care of your baby? This means get sleep and get in any other of the things you like to do. We all know you might have time curtailed for all of that, but do the best you can. It is really important for Mom to be as healthy as she can and the baby will be fine.”
Another person suggested that the woman's sister-in-law might be misplacing some of her own frustration:
"Gosh people can be so vicious about their opinions on how other people raise their kids can't they? It sounds like you and your husband are working as a team to meet your baby's needs in a way that works best for you both. If your SIL takes that personally it may just be that she had a partner who helped less and her inability to ask for teamwork has her feeling a bit resentful/envious. Her problem either way. Next time, this phrase works wonders; 'thank you for your unsolicited opinion, feel free to keep it to yourself next time.'"
Numerous medical professionals and institutions emphasize the importance of good sleep for new parents. However, a lot of their suggestions can be hard to pull off, especially if your baby isn't a good sleeper. That makes this woman's situation all the more special — if everyone's getting sleep and food, why rock the boat?
Another person pointed out an added benefit to this arrangement: The baby and her dad get to bond, too.
"I don't think the baby cares what she's drinking from. It sounds like you aren't, so really the only difference is that she gets to be fed by her dad instead, which increases the time they spend together."
And this was seconded by another commenter, who said there are really no bad parts of the current arrangement:
"There are no cons, baby gets to bond with both parents, both parents get to sleep, and baby is being fed consistently. SIL needs to get her nose out of their parenting, OP [the original poster] and her partner are killing it."
The woman returned to the post to offer a few edits, and shared that her sister-in-law is also a mom.
"I just wanted to add: SIL has two kids, one is 5 the other is 2, and she was always very adamant that breastfeeding is the way to go. She is usually an okay person, besides this, but I will def follow your advice and tell her to butt off."
She also added that all of the support from Reddit has made her feel even better about how she and her husband have chosen to feed their child:
"[It's] given me the strength to stand up to her if she runs her mouth about that again. I feel much more confident that we are indeed doing the right thing for us, and her. And that is what is important at the end of the day!"
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
