Weddings are beautiful, but let's face it: They're not cheap. Many couples struggle to get together the money to make their big day happen. If they're lucky, families will offer to chip in where they can.
A set of parents made a deal with their kids about helping with the cost of their weddings. They told their son and daughter that they could each have a big wedding and honeymoon paid for. If they didn't like that idea, they could opt for a smaller wedding and get some money toward a home. This arrangement worked out pretty well. Their daughter married and had a small wedding. Later, their son married and had a big wedding.
It was at that big wedding that a conversation happened that upset the whole family. The couple's daughter, who had been widowed and since gotten engaged to a woman, said she wanted a big wedding this time around. She was shocked to discover her parents didn't plan on offering to help with a second wedding. They went to Reddit to find out if they were in the wrong.
Weddings are a time for families to come together in a celebration of love. They can be beautiful, emotional nights that are never forgotten. They can also come with a pretty hefty price tag, depending on the size of the couples' families.
Many families will try to chip in to make things a little easier for the couple. Some parents even offer to foot the bill, a rare occurrence that should be appreciated. One couple decided early on that they would do that for both their children, a son and a daughter.
This mom and dad offered their kids two very generous options.
"My husband and I have two children, Sara (35) and Samuel (29). When both our kids got engaged, we gave them a choice. We would pay for a small wedding and give money towards a house. Or we would pay for them to have a big wedding and nice honeymoon," the mom explained.
"My daughter Sara got married at 20 to her high school sweetheart. They took us up on the small wedding offered and were happily married for 8 years before our son-in-law passed away," she shared.
“After his passing, she announced that she was bisexual and that she was now dating a woman named Laura.”
Sara's parents weren't on board immediately, but they have worked on being more accepting.
"Initially we were shocked and, admittedly, a bit disappointed. But after taking the time to get to know Laura we realized that she was a good person, great with our grandchildren, and made our daughter happy," she said.
"They got engaged this Christmas and we couldn't be happier. We have accepted her into the family as one of our own."
Everything was going great until the family celebrated another wedding. "My son Samuel married a girl from church this January. When he got engaged they chose to have a big wedding as they already have a place to live. The wedding was a grand and quite a lovely event," she explained.
"While there, we were sitting with Sara and Laura. Sara started talking about how this time around, she would take us up on the big wedding. I asked her what she was talking about, and she referred to our deal."
The mom gently explained to her daughter that she wouldn't be paying for another wedding. "I told her that the deal was a one time offer, and that we are done paying for weddings."
Her daughter did not take that news well, at all. "She got very angry and accused my husband and I of being homophobic. She said if she was marrying another man, then we would happily pay for the wedding."
Although she does recognize how they had hesitations about the relationship before, the mom is firm that the fact they are a same-sex couple does not play into her decision.
"This is not the case at all. And if our son were to remarry, we would tell him the same thing. We paid virtually the same amount for both of them to get started out and feel that we have done our part to be fair," she reasoned.
"Sara and Laura ended up leaving early that night, and have been cold towards us ever since," the mom said of the aftermath.
"I honestly feel like we have done nothing wrong, but need to know."
Most people agreed that they had done nothing wrong.
Many felt that it was just a misunderstanding that's being blown out of proportion.
"NAH – your daughter may have misunderstood, and the reasoning for her second wedding is not her fault – it's not like she's a serial divorcee. However, I understand that it may not be in your budget to pay for another wedding, as you have already graciously given her the money you had allocated," one person shared.
One commenter asked why this person is asking if they're wrong if they seem firm in their beliefs. The mom shared that she and her husband are concerned they've acted hatefully in a way that they don't understand.
"I really appreciate that. It's very hard looking back at how we behaved, and I really wish I could go back and do things differently," she said of their previous poor behavior.
"We are just trying to move forward and do things right now."
"You already paid for her wedding, and gave her money for a house which I'm guessing Sara and Laura live in together now? Yes it sucks that her husband died and she surely wasn't planning to ever get married again, but you're not an endless bank who can shell out however much money whenever she wants," another commenter noted.
The mom replied, "Yes, they are living with the kids in the house we helped pay for. That's why I feel like we've done our part to be fair, but I'm still worried about coming across as homophobic in some way. This whole thing is still new to me."
Someone put it to the mom pretty simply: "Your daughter sounds entitled and that she's covering up that entitlement with homophobia accusations." Many people agreed that regardless of where the misunderstanding occurred, this seemed to be the bottom line.
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