Giving and receiving gifts at the holidays is something that many people look forward to. It's fun to pick out gifts that you think your loved ones will be excited about, and it's just as fun to receive gifts that they have put so much thought into. Or, at least, that you hope they have put so much thought into. One wife recently asked her husband if he would return her Christmas gift after she realized what it was … all because she thinks he didn't really put a lot of thought into it in the first place.
The woman shared on Reddit that her husband's heart was in the right place, kind of, but the gift is still not ideal.
"So yesterday I (28f) asked my Husband (39m) to pick up the new Christmas tree I ordered from a nearby hardware store," she began. "When my husband came home he asked me to go upstairs, he had gotten my Christmas gift and he didn't want me to see. He 'hid' it in the basement by throwing a blanket over it but admitted that the size and shape would probably give it away when I had to go down to do laundry. It could only be one thing, a big box from the hardware store… a microwave."
She just knew what it was immediately:
"When I went to do laundry today I could tell it is definitely a microwave and a white one at that. I hate white appliances, all my other ones are black or stainless when possible. I had stupidly mentioned several weeks ago that I wanted to look into getting a new microwave in the summer, our current one is like 660-700W at best and slow but otherwise working fine. I really enjoy spending time comparing models and features and finding the perfect one and then trying to wait for a sale when I shop for things, it's almost like a game."
She says that the biggest reason she wants him to return it is that a microwave is a great idea, but it's a practical gift that didn't require any thought:
"A microwave is a very practical gift and I feel bad but I want to ask him to return it before he loses the receipt if he hasn't already…I know he didn't put much thought into it, probably saw a display while he was waiting at the customer service desk for the tree and bought it on a whim. I feel like if he had at least gotten the black model I could say he was thinking of what I might like a little bit."
Her appliances are important to her, which is fair. It sounds like she spends a lot of time really making sure she's investing in pieces that she will want to use for a long time, and that matters. She also would love to receive a gift that isn't just practical:
"I don't really want to be stuck with a microwave I hate again for another 6 years. I have been waiting all this time to be able to pick one I really liked. Also Christmas is the only time of year that I just would really like to get a nice treat that isn't necessarily practical, like I would be perfectly happy with a couple of bath bombs or a nice scented candle and maybe some chocolate… it's not a money thing at all. If anything, I feel like the microwave was probably too expensive."
She decided to ask Reddit if it's rude to ask her husband to return the microwave and actually get her something that would be fun to receive.
One person immediately said it's not rude, but she might need to give her husband a little guidance about what kind of stuff she does want.
Their suggestion was actually a really good one:
"I have an Amazon wish list that my husband has access to. There are big things and little things that I find cute, like or love. It makes it easy for him to buy me a gift. Perhaps he and the future gift receiving you would benefit from such a list as well."
Others agreed with the woman and also doubled down on the idea that appliances are not appropriate as gifts.
"Agreed, I let my husband know from day 1 that household items are not gifts," said one commenter. "I grew up with a dad who only gave household stuff to my mom. Oh, washing machine broken? Her birthday is soon. Boooo."
Another person offered a gentle solution: sitting down and walking her husband through what she does like:
"Have a conversation about Christmas gifts (and birthday/anniversary/Valentine's Day gifts). Maybe talk about planning those gifts together. I suggest you flat-out tell him that appliances are not gifts, they are household equipment and you need to determine which model is correct for the kitchen."
Others pointed out that there's also plenty of time before the holiday for her husband to find something else.
"It's okay to ask people you know to return a gift and get something else," said a commenter. "Just tell him what you said here, that you wanted to get one yourself. If he's your husband I'm sure he'll understand. There's still a lot of time before Christmas, so it's not like a last minute gift that he can't return."
Happily, the woman updated her post and shared that she spoke to her husband about everything:
"I talked to my husband once he got home and I told him I appreciated that he was thinking a microwave would make things easier and faster for me but I needed to have one that would work well for our family and kitchen since we would have it for a long time."
It turns out that he would have had to return the microwave anyway:
"He wanted to show me the microwave in detail so we went down to look at the box…turns out he mixed up the Cubic ft size and the watts thinking a bigger Cubic ft was strongest. So he accidentally bought an absolutely huge microwave, it's actually too big to even fit on the shelf our kitchen has because we have fairly limited kitchen space."
And in the end, the woman will end up getting the microwave she wants and the Christmas present she wants, and they won't be the same thing:
"He was pretty embarrassed but I told him no big but I would like to pick one out together with him and it could be a gift for the house not my specific Christmas gift. He agreed and all is well between us so I'm glad I decided to bring it up."
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