Planning a wedding can be a really fun and exciting time in someone's life and in the lives of their family members, but it can also be a stressful time that causes problems for everyone.
One mom recently turned to Reddit for advice after she disappointed her stepdaughter and her wedding plans. The mom writes that she unexpectedly lost her own daughter a few years ago while she was in the middle of planning her wedding. Her daughter never got to wear her wedding gown … which is suddenly relevant to her stepdaughter's plans.
"I (f49) met my stepdaughter Zoey 2.5 years ago," the mom begins. "I married her father less than 5months ago. It was a small and private celebration [since] that's what we felt was the best thing to do since I'm still grieving my daughter Lauren who passed away from sepsis at the age of 26."
Her daughter died out of nowhere.
It seems that one of the hardest things about losing her daughter is the way it happened:
"It was so sudden. She was doing okay and was getting ready for her wedding that was supposed to happen the same month she passed away. We still don't know what went wrong. We were devastated to say the least. Her fiance had a hard time adapting to the new normal. I still have contact with him. We're very close."
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She kept most of her daughter's belongings.
The woman says that she kept most of her daughter's stuff, including her wedding gown:
"I took most of her belongings including her wedding dress. We bought it together and she put alot of her touches on it. Worked hard on it. Although it hurt to look at it. I make sure it's safe."
Her relationship with her stepdaughter is OK.
The woman also explains that while she and her stepdaughter are OK with each other, they aren't very close:
"Zoey's younger than Lauren. She's 23. We're not very close and distance is one of the reasons why. But we're very respectful towards each other."
That makes her request extra weird.
So when her stepdaughter started asking about her daughter's wedding gown, the mom was confused, and then hurt:
"The issue started when Zoey visited to talk about her wedding in april. We were talking about wedding dresses and she suddenly brought up Lauren's wedding dress. I asked her what about it and she said she saw it several times and it got stuck on her mind. Asked if she could see it and I let her."
Then her stepdaughter asked for the dress.
Her stepdaughter then decided to point-blank ask to wear her daughter's wedding gown:
"She then said she'd like to wear it at her wedding. I felt uneasy. I told her I wasn't sure that was a good idea. She told me it's fine she'll have to change few things in it so it can fit her size and style but this is why I had a hard time accepting."
"I told her I was sorry but I can't let her have it."
The stepdaughter offered money, and then got her dad involved.
Then the stepdaughter offered money instead, but the mom held firm:
"She offered me money but its sentimental value is what matters to me. She argued saying I was making things complicated and it was alright since she too is my daughter. She Asked if I don't love her as much I told her my love for her is different but she threw a fit calling me unfair and unreasonable to still say no."
When that didn't work, she got her dad involved … and now the woman's husband and her stepdaughter both think she's being unreasonable. They even tried to argue that her daughter — whom neither had known — would have wanted someone to wear the dress since she didn't get to.
People are outraged.
Just about nearly everyone sides with the mom, and plenty of people think both her husband and her stepdaughter are intentionally manipulating her. A commenter said:
"The fact that both your step-daughter AND your husband are continually guilting you after you have FIRMLY said no is not just disrespectful, it's preying on your grief."
The dress also represents her DAUGHTER, not something material.
One commenter noted, "This is not about loving your step-daughter. The fact that she is making it all about her is very telling. This dress is a tangible reminder of your beloved daughter that you lost. It’s worth is not the material and decorations and style…it is important to you because it was meant for your daughter and she spent so much time working on it to be perfect for her."
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
