I Texted My Husband Lines From ‘The Bachelor’ To See How He Would React

Since I didn’t know how the conversation would go, I decided to have plenty of lines from The Bachelor at my disposal.

Here’s what I gathered ahead of time:

• Colton: “I’m really hoping today we don’t die.”
• Hannah B.: “Praise the Lord. I’m not in the drama this time.”
• Elyse: “In our normal relationships with a male, if you’re in a robe and you’re going in private it’s probably not to play paper, rock, scissors.”
• Demi: “I have the sweetest blood ever.”
• Tayshia: “Have fun. Don’t die. See you at the bottom.”
• Colton: “You know your value, you have self-worth, and you’re not going to settle.”
• Onyeka: “It’s definitely rubbing people the wrong way. I think it almost looks a little desperate.”
• Catherine: “I don’t think that I have disrespected anybody.”
• Demi: “I want to show you my fantasy closet.”
• Hannah B.: “I’m like… befumbled.”
• Colton: “There’s definitely chemistry and a nice spark.”
• Demi: “I am worth the world. I am amazing.”
• Nicole: “Hee, hee, hee, yay, this is wonderful.”
• Tracy: “It made me slightly sick to my stomach.”
• Colton: “I respect the heck out of that.”
• Catherine: “I do not want any bad blood.”
• Demi: “Courtney puts the ‘a**’ in ‘class.'”
• Onyeka: “Here we go. It’s happening.”
• Tracy: “It’s bizarre that she thought that was OK.”
• Hannah B.: “I’m trying not to get in my head about it, but… I’m going to get in my head about it.”
• Demi: “I think it sent a huge message to my haters.”
• Colton: “Will you accept this rose?”

My text: “I’m like… befumbled. I’m really hoping today we don’t die.”

For my first message, I decided to combine two lines from The Bachelor. First, I used Hannah B.’s oh-so-eloquent “befumbled” quote, then added Colton’s own words regarding dying. I figured it was a wild and wacky way to get things started.

“Befumbled? Lol! Amazing word! But yeah, I agree today wouldn’t be a good day to die.”

I couldn’t blame him for being confused by the hilariously wonky word, and I thought it was cute that he loved it. I was also happy to find out that he wouldn’t be thrilled to meet his demise on this particular day.

So far, the experiment was off to a wonderfully silly start.

My text: “In our normal relationships with a male, if you’re in a robe and you’re going in private it’s probably not to play paper, rock, scissors.”

Next, I couldn’t resist using Elyse’s cheeky response to fellow contestant, Demi, taking Colton upstairs to see her “fantasy closet” while wearing a robe. Granted, the sentiment might seem a little random out of context; however, the message is still pretty accurate. Although I certainly can’t speak for hardcore rock, paper, scissor fans. Maybe they do wear robes while playing in private?

“Um… wow, suuuuper intimate. I guess that’s true. Have you been drinking??? LOL.”

At this point, perhaps I should mention that my husband was at his ax-throwing league night while I was sending him these messages. I couldn’t help but picture him standing there receiving my peculiar texts while trying to throw bull's-eyes. It made the entire situation even more ludicrous and hilarious.

I also thought it was pretty funny that he thought I might not be 100% sober.

My text: “Praise the Lord. I’m not in the drama this time.”

By now, my husband already seemed a little weirded out by my texts, but that didn’t mean I was going to stop. That’s why I went with another gem from Hannah B. (I could even hear her Alabama accent while typing the words!)

“Really? Because it kind of seems like you are. Seriously tho… drunk?”

OK, now he was apparently really wondering if I had been drinking some wine or perhaps whipped up a cocktail or two. I was curious about the sort of drama he thought I might be involved in.

My text: “I think it sent a huge message to my haters.”

Honestly, I’d like to believe that I don’t actually have any “haters” out there. But if I did, perhaps I would want to send them “a huge message” just like Demi did this season. I don’t know what that huge message would be or how I would send it, but if the people on the receiving end reacted in any way like my hubby was to my texts, I would certainly get a giggle out of it.

“Wtf kinda message? What haters!?!”

He was definitely getting even more confused by my texts with each one that I sent. And while he wanted to know what haters I was referring to, it was nice to discover that he couldn’t think of any off the top of his head.

My text: “Will you accept this rose?”

This is a classic line that you hear from every bachelor during the rose ceremonies, where some women continue on, while others are eliminated and sent home. I wondered how my hubby would react (or if he would recognize) the by now obvious reference.

At this point, he was starting to understand what was going on and replied, “Have you been watching the Bachelor?”

I had to give him credit for not only replying to my weirdo messages as opposed to simply ignoring them due to the WTF factor but also recognizing The Bachelor vibe (or at least the final rose-related reference).

I figured it was time to come clean. I sent him a final message letting him know what I was up to and assured him that I wasn’t about to morph into a woman who acts like a Bachelor contestant 24/7.

We all know that the situations on The Bachelor are over the top, which is why the actions and reactions from the people on the show are just as wild. And considering it’s all meant to make entertaining television, they definitely amp things up a notch. But even texting a few simple quotes from the show to someone in my real life made it even more obvious how abnormal the on-camera circumstances are.

However, I enjoyed the silly little experiment and was reminded that my husband is a good sport who will put up with any random weirdness I throw his way. Now that’s a keeper who will always earn a rose from me!

“You’re goofy. I love you.” He then asked, “If you were single would you go on The Bachelor?”

Hmm. I’m not sure. Texting like one of the contestants was weird enough for me.

Would YOU go on The Bachelor?