Woman Refuses To Move In With Ailing Mother-In-Law Because She’s Too Loud

As our parents age, it sometimes makes sense for them to move into our own homes, or for us to move into their homes and help take care of them. That can cause a multitude of problems, as it's not always easy for relatives to live together.

One woman recently shared with Reddit that her mother-in-law isn't doing well and that her husband wants the two of them to move in with his mom. The woman adds that she and her husband have been married for 13 years, and that he's the only son in his family.

"My mother-in-law's health has been declining in the past few months," she begins. "She denies but she's struggling with living alone and things got worse with [the health crisis] and having to stay home most of the times. On the last week, labyrinthitis have hit her hard and husband told me we will probably have to move in with her before the end of the year because she won't be able to live by herself anymore."

The woman continues by adding that her mother-in-law has been pretty great to her:

"I love my MIL. She pampers me as if I'm her gold child (I have some issues with it but that's a history for another time), helps whenever she can and is overall a good MIL."

But she can't really handle the idea of living with her mother-in-law full-time:

"However, living with her would not feel like I'm in my own home (she moving with us is impossible because we don't have enough space). She is loud, talks a lot, watches TV with high volume, keeps a radio on all day long while the only sound in my home is the fan."

The woman is also concerned about her dogs and about where her mother-in-law lives:

"Also, I have three dogs that I enjoy having with me while I work (they would have to stay in the yard). The biggest issue is location. I have a supermarket close, mall, a good public transportation while there's none of it there. The closest grocery store is 30min walking away and we don't have a car."

But she also adds that if her own mother needed this help, she would do it. So now she wants to know what the lovely (and opinionated) people of Reddit think about the situation.

People get it, but lots of them wonder if there's a workaround or compromise that could be struck. One commenter suggested:

"Perhaps MIL can sell her home and together you can look for a home in your preferred location with a separate apartment or mother in law suite so you're together but with your own clearly defined space to make it bearable."

They also aren't even sure if the mother-in-law wants the couple to live with her in the first place, or if the woman's husband just made this decision for everyone. A commenter noted:

"It doesn't sound like your husband has thought this through. Your mother in law may not want you both to move in anyway, much as she loves you – the three of you need to talk about the options together, not just jump into the first possible idea."

One person flat-out says no way, don't do it:

"Despite how good your MIL has been to you, the living conditions in her house would drive anyone mad."

Another cautioned the woman to have a detailed conversation with her husband about how everything would work if they did decide to move in with his mom:

"Before you decide anything, discuss how it would actually work. Otherwise it might fall to you, simply because you're a woman and it's expected."

However, the woman was quick to say she'd only be needed in an emergency:

"He's a very dedicated son and would take care of most of her needs. My role there would keep an eye on her and be around in case of an emergency."

Ultimately, the woman has to make a choice about the life she wants to live. As one person pointed out:

"Him announcing that this move will happen sounds a lot like he thinks he's in charge, when in fact he is not. Unless you allow it. Decide right now what kind of life you're going to lead for yourself."

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