Being a foster parent isn't often an easy path to take, but it's nothing compared to being a child who is in foster care. Children in foster care are often among our most vulnerable children in the country, and sometimes foster parents can be just as dangerous as biological families. Luckily, there are great foster parents out there, like Robert Carter. Robert is a foster dad in Ohio who just took a giant step forward and officially expanded his family by five.
Robert himself is a former foster youth who entered the system when he was only 12 years old. Robert was separated from his eight siblings, and both the experience of entering foster care and then being separated from his siblings left trauma that he battles to this day.
Robert became a foster dad as an adult and took in three boys in December 2018. When he found out they had two sisters, he immediately wanted to foster all five children so they could be together.
Once he achieved that goal, Robert took the next step: He wanted to adopt the five siblings.
"I can't even begin to try to put it into words what it means," Robert told People magazine. "Just the fact that they're together, the fact that they have something that will help them remember their past … it's beautiful to watch them grow up together and make memories together."
Robert grew up taking care of his own siblings. As the third oldest of nine children, he had a lot of weight on his shoulders.
"I was the one trying to feed my siblings and going out trying to find food to eat" he explained. "When we got into foster care, I didn't know where they were and if they were taken care of. That's what set off my [years-long] depression."
Entering into foster care is a traumatic experience no matter how old a child is when the event happens. The trauma exists in the fact that foster care is necessary in the first place, and the trauma can be compounded if foster parents aren't willing to acknowledge this trauma and learn how to best help their foster and/or adopted children as they grow up.
Too often, foster parents expect their foster children to "be grateful" that they even have the opportunity to live in their home in the first place. But that's not really a healthy approach. It's infinitely more important to acknowledge the losses foster children experience, even if they are ultimately happy in your home.
Robert's own experiences with trauma, foster care, and depression came flooding back to him when he became a foster dad to brothers Robert, Giovanni, and Kiontae. When he found out that the brothers also had two sisters — Marionna and Makayla — he did everything he could to bring the five siblings back together. After six months of work, he did it.
He told People magazine, "My boys, they never talked about mom, they never talked about dad, just [their sisters], so I knew I had to make that happen."
The family finally reunited at the school the girls were attending. "We cried the entire time and that was the moment I was like, 'Okay, I have to adopt them and keep them together.'"
Marionna and Makayla moved into the home in January, and Robert officially became dad to everyone on October 30, 2020.
The adoption was especially powerful for Robert since it came nearly two years after a previous adoption fell apart. He said that experience was really hard to overcome.
"That broke my heart but I had to keep going. So up until the day of court [this time], I was thinking, 'What if something happens? What are they going to tell me?' I'm not a real emotional person and don't like to show it. After it was finalized, I felt so relieved. I woke up the next day in complete ease. It's a fresh start for all of us."
Robert also shared that his house is much louder than it used to be, but it's the best kind of loud:
"I'd rather have that noise and know they're together than to not have it and have peace and quiet and know they're separated. It's worth it."
Like a lot of parents, he also can't stop gushing about his kids:
"They're some of the best kids I've had. Kiontae's an energetic child, he's my child who's gonna question everything. Giovanni, that's my sweet child. He's like an old soul, he cuddles up to me and wants to help with everything."
"Makayla's sweet but really goofy. She loves to dance and loves everything girly. Robert, he's a gaming kid. He's really smart and wants to create games when he gets older. He's really sweet also."
Marionna is the oldest, and Robert says she's in charge.
"According to her, she wants to be a model, a hairstylist and a nurse. She's the mother figure to the kids … but I won't even let her make them a bowl of cereal [now] because that's not her responsibility. She's done it for too long when she shouldn't have had to in the first place."
He also said the kids have helped him heal:
"Ever since I've gotten the kids, I don't suffer from depression. They've helped me and changed me in so many ways. Out of nowhere the other day, Marionna came into my room and [thanked me] and gave me a hug and then ran away because she's so shy. It's moments like that where I feel grateful that I am on my feet enough to keep these kids out of trouble and keep them safe."
