There are a lot of reasons as to why National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation is such a great holiday movie. But one big one? It perfectly captures the amount of family stress that the holidays may bring. This year, there shouldn't be too many people staying over — nor should there be crowded family parties. But the tension will still be there. And that's likely why eggnog was invented.
It's very easy to get frustrated with your spouse over the holidays, and this one will be no different. If you have children, there's a possibility that you're both stressing to stay on budget with gifts — which can be major, if the virus happened to change up your salary. There's also the possibility that your husband is insisting his mom come to visit, when you know she's been a maskless social butterfly. Saying no to parents is hard, especially if they'll lay on the guilt.
But this year should be about peace. All of us have had turbulent years, and the holidays are when you should try hard to stay positive and push negativity to the side. Here are seven good tips to avoid getting into unnecessary stress fights with your spouse.
1. Remember, you're a team.
You chose your spouse as your teammate. So if they're getting anxious about the holidays, or seem to be stepping over boundaries when it comes to making a game plan, remember that you should be supporting them.
Don't let your frustrations with your partner pile up just to explode on Christmas Day. Remember to communicate. Saying something like, "You seem really worried about gifts this year; is there anything I can do to help?" is much more powerful than, "Why are you talking about gifts so much?"
2. Form a game plan together and in person.
Set a time for the two of you to put your phones away, leave work behind, and really sit down and discuss your plans together. This will help the two of you be on the same page. Try to discuss only the holidays and not get too sidetracked with other conversations. And let them talk. Try not to interrupt. Instead, be an active listener.
3. Don't be afraid to speak your mind.
Sometimes it's easier to just go with the flow. But if your partner has been making a lot of calls you don't agree with, it's time to speak up. Otherwise, you may feel like your resentment against your spouse just continues to grow. It's very important to try to find solutions that make everyone happy around the holidays. Plans and decisions should never be completely one-sided for the sake of avoiding an argument in the moment.
4. See things from their perspective.
You might not be in love with his mom, but he's definitely a fan. Even if you're not big on your spouse's family, you need to remember that they're also trying to enjoy their holiday. If a phone call with your partner's relatives goes on for too long, or if they want to FaceTime and see the kids while you just want to shut off the rest of the world, try to be open and understanding. Policing someone's relationship with their family will only lead to more fights down the road. How would you like it if they told you that you had to limit your reactions with your own parents?
5. Remind yourself to breathe and take breaks.
The holidays can be stressful, so it's important to keep yourself in check. It seems too simple to work, but focusing on your breathing can help a ton. Also, acknowledge when something has become too much.
Oftentimes, two people fight because they're both overwhelmed. Nobody will fault you if a holiday project becomes too big, or if a FedEx package didn't arrive in time. Be easy on yourself and each other this year — and every year moving forward.
6. Instead of getting angry, turn it into a memory.
Everyone's had at least one holiday when things didn't work out right. Instead of feeling anger toward your partner, laugh about the little things that may have gotten messed up along the way. Maybe you both miscommunicated and thought the other would be shipping a gift over to Grandma. Or maybe the cookie batter just didn't turn out right. Remember, these things aren't big deals, and they can easily be solved. Turn your small misfortunes into memories.
7. If it's a pattern, give counseling a try.
It's easy to blame stress on the holidays, but what if you've realized you've made an excuse about your miscommunication every time it comes up? If you've been dealing with petty fights all year, you may want to look into better ways to communicate with your partner. Every couple needs a brush-up every once in a while, and you shouldn't feel as if your marriage is failing if you seek help. Going together is proof that both of you want to work on things and have a happier new year.
