If you have a kid who is between the ages of 9 and 12, you have a tween on your hands. It's a truly transformative time for parents and kids alike; all of a sudden, it becomes really clear that your child is truly well on their way toward adulthood, and with that comes a whole host of concerns, responsibilities, and things to celebrate.
It can sometimes feel like your tween doesn't need you anymore, but the reality is that these years are super important and your tween needs you more than ever before. Sure, they (probably) know how to take care of their day-to-day habits and needs, but tweens have a huge need for their parents or caregivers as they navigate a multitude of physical and emotional changes.
Parents are trying to raise healthy, well-adjusted kids to adulthood. We aren't always going to do it perfectly, especially if we feel like our kids need us less as they get older. Here are signs that your tween needs you more than ever right now.
They start hanging out just 'because.'
One big sign that your tween wants to chat with you but isn't sure how to start is when they start lingering in the room you're in just … because. The tween years are all about exploring independence; tweens are busy figuring out who they are, and being dependent on their parents or caregivers isn't always part of that.
But if you notice that your tween is hanging out in the kitchen after dinner, or even offering to clear dinner from the table when they usually don't, it might be a good opportunity to gently probe and see if anything is on their mind. With my own tween, a simple, "Hey, how are you really doing right now?" is often all he needs to open up.
Your tween might also not have anything specific to talk about, but they could be wrestling with a lot of conflicting needs and desires. For starters, they're not that old — we are talking about 9- to 12-year-olds, after all — but they want to be taken seriously and treated like the burgeoning teens they are. At the same time, they want to be close to their parents. If you had a cuddly toddler, preschooler, and elementary-aged child, you probably have a tween who still wants to cuddle. Let them!
They ask for your opinion, though sometimes in a roundabout way.
A lot of tweens really value the input and advice of their parents, even if they don't want to readily admit it. Tweens can sometimes find roundabout ways of showing that they want to know what their parent or caregiver thinks about a topic or situation, but they probably also want that same parent or caregiver to be cool about that want.
It can be hard to resist making a sarcastic statement about how honored you are that your tween wants to know what you think, but try and do it anyway, just in case it makes a difference.
They ask you to watch their shows.
In my experience, when my tween son asks me to watch his shows with him, it's because he really wants to know if I like the show at least half as much as he does. He is looking for a way to share his interests with me, and he's hopeful that I'll be into it. I don't always watch every single thing he asks me to, but I do make a point of watching anything he asks me to watch more than once.
We have had countless important conversations while watching an anime show or some video gamer on YouTube that he can't get enough of. It's not always the first thing I would choose to watch, but I always have a good time with him when I do.
