Maternity leave is a topic that many women don't discuss that much — and that's because it's often an emotional topic. Many women can't afford to take much leave, especially if their arrangement with their company either cuts or eliminates their pay during this time. Those weeks with a new baby are very important to have, as it's important to bond with your new arrival. Plus, moms who choose and are able to breastfeed are more or less on demand that entire time. It's not just a time of recovery, as there's still so much work for moms to do — and on little sleep, as well.
One mom chose to finally air her feelings about her maternity leave on LinkedIn, and the post has gotten a wonderful response. Rachael Larsen discussed her feelings about it, and she makes a lot of excellent points.
"It took me four years to have the courage to share this photo," Rachael wrote. "Even now, it's hard to look at. The shame around raising a family and working full-time is real. I took this on my first day back to work after my second daughter was born. I wasn't ready. My daughter wasn't ready." In the photo, Rachael is crying in the car.
At the time, her daughter was having trouble sleeping. Usually around the 3- or 4-month mark, that's common with newborns. What To Expect explains that the 3- to 5-month sleep regression is one of the first for babies, so it can be really hard for parents to adjust. When parents lack sleep, it can take a lot out of them — which is another reason why the leave is so important.
"She wasn't sleeping and was extremely fussy," Rachael explained. "I woke up five times the night before to feed her. I was exhausted. As a majority income source for our family, I was forced to suck it up, put on a smile, and get back to work," she said. It's a feeling many moms have.
Rachael noted that she knew she was in a spot of privilege. Unlike many moms, she was given the maternity leave — and it was partially paid. She was also able to afford day care, which many moms can't. "I had a job that I loved at an amazing company with great bosses. I had a daycare facility that I could afford with great teachers I trusted. But… I was not ready," she said.
"We need to do more to support parents and families," said Rachael. "It may have taken me four years after I knew I'd never have another baby to share this photo. But, I’m glad that I have the courage to speak my truth now." Having her post go viral was important for all moms. Every voice that speaks out shows others that they're not alone.
There's often a lot of pressure for women to do it all. And rarely do people discuss the emotional hardships that occur. Back in the day, it may have made more sense for women to stay at home and take care of the children and the home. But now women are working — and many of them make a larger income than their partners. Still, many times, they're expected to make a choice.
Rachael felt so strongly about her post that she spoke to Bored Panda to discuss it even more. "We need to value the humanity of our workers just as much as we value corporate profit," she said. "It doesn't have to be one or the other; when the interests of both are balanced, you see companies thrive."
"No matter how you feel about it, you are not alone," Rachael said. "There are millions of parents out there working through the same emotions and guilt that you feel." That can be encouraging for a new parent who suddenly feels conflicted over whether or not going back is for them.
That said, many women don't get the chance. If they're supporting their household, they may not be able to make a choice. It's a tough transition for every woman, even if this was always the plan. Babies go through stages, which means that after 12 weeks, they still may not be settled in.
Another tough part about maternity leave is that many women don't know when to take it, and when it will be the most beneficial. Many women give birth later than their due dates. Others are surprised when a baby comes early. And unfortunately, sometimes complications result in babies remaining at the hospital for much longer than anyone expected. Trying to fit work and family leave in with such unpredictable scenarios is hard for anyone.
The statistics involving standard maternity leave are quite sad. Healthline reports that only 12% of women in the private sector can even access paid maternity leave. Author Monica Froese penned an article about her own experience — and why things need to change. "Women make up a significant portion of the United States' GDP. If women didn't work, we would not be able to maintain our economic status," she wrote. "If women continue to opt out of having babies or continue to have fewer children because of economic stress, we are all in trouble."
"We must do better," Monica continued. "Over and over again we are forced to confront the fact that poor maternity leave policies are bad public policy. With the majority of families in the United States depending on women to earn an income, we can’t ignore the obvious and deadly problems that plague all mothers regardless of their economic standing."
It would also be helpful to take away some of the stigma around maternity leave as well. Since so many people see it as a "vacation" — when it's really anything but — many people don't understand why the time should be extended. During maternity leave, women need to learn how to adjust to a completely new normal.
Those who choose to be child-free also shouldn't pass judgment. Just as they choose to not have kids, many women choose to do so — and it can often take a long time to physically recover. The more that is understood about women taking time to acclimate to their new situation, the better. Going back to work, for many, can be a big source of stress and anxiety that needs to be faced.
