Mother's Day is the kind of holiday that can really sneak up on you. Whether or not you're a mom yourself, it's likely that you have a mother. Of course, we all know that moms aren't perfect, and in fact, some moms are downright hazardous to the health and well-being of their own children.
Getting through Mother's Day when you don't have a relationship with your mom can be tough, even when your reasons for estranging yourself from your mother are valid and true. Many of us hope to one day repair relationships with our family members that have gone sour, but it's not always possible.
Either way, Mother's Day will be there on May 9. If it's a hard day for you, here are a few things you can do to get through it.
Honor Your Choice
First and foremost, if you've chosen to be estranged from your mother, remind yourself of the reasons why and remind yourself that those reasons are valid. Holidays have a way of making us second-guess even our best decisions, and it's important to make sure you remember what led to the decision to remove your mother from your life.
There are a lot of very good reasons to take such an action; it's important to remember what yours are — and to hold on to them.
Plan a Fun Day That's About You and Your Loved Ones
If you don't have kids of your own who expect to celebrate Mother's Day with you, then take advantage of the day to plan something that you know you'll love doing. Whether it's streaming your favorite movie while eating your favorite meal, going out for a (masked) manicure, or something else, make sure you plan a day that will leave you feeling emotionally and mentally taken care of and solid.
Set Your Boundaries and Stick to Them
If you know that your mother is the type to try to insert herself into your life even when you've put up clear boundaries that don't include her, make sure you know what those boundaries are and that you stick to them. If that means blocking your mom on your phone and online (if she isn't already) for the day, do that. Your own mental and emotional health is important, and it's OK to not allow a toxic person into that space.
Avoid Popular Mother's Day Locations
Even if you feel good about your decision to not speak to your mom, it can be tough to avoid Mother's Day-themed outings unless you plan for it. Avoid spots like parks, bakeries, and outdoor brunch spots where moms and their children may be gathered in droves.
Keep Yourself Engaged in Something
It can be tempting to want to reach out and repair a relationship on an emotional holiday, and not having something to do with your time can definitely kick that temptation into overdrive. I'm not saying you need to plan out every hour of your day, but if you know that you might be tempted to text a quick "Happy Mother's Day" and that it's not a good idea for you to do so, make sure you're doing something like baking or knitting or literally anything that keeps your hands occupied.
Spend the Day With People Who Get It
One thing that can be tough about missing a holiday like Mother's Day is if you're the only person you know who is estranged from their mom. Hopefully that isn't the case, and you can spend part of the day connecting with someone else who really gets it. That way, you can work through your feelings and admissions without anyone misunderstanding that process or thinking that you regret leaving your mom out of your life.
