Motherhood comes with plenty of tough challenges. For one, there's the struggle of whether to go back to work or stay at home with your child. Many moms have no choice. Without a second paycheck, they can't stay afloat. However, the moms who are able to stay home suffer from criticism, as well. Many people feel that being a stay-at-home mom, or SAHM, is not a "real job."
They're right in one way. SAHMs don't get paid. If anything, they do offset the cost of child care, which can be huge. Day care is a massive expense for many families. Some men and women choose to be home with their child because their salary would be the equivalent of day care costs, meaning that they're losing out on bonding time. That said, some feel as if they might lose momentum with their career if staying at home is in their future.
But at least those parents who choose to stay home are now being understood. Children may be a blessing, but they can often suck the energy out of you. These days, certain parents are really seeing life from the other side. Parenting is hard, and every parent who stays at home to watch their kids full-time deserves some recognition.
One father recently shared that, these days, he is "losing it." Even though it's quite relatable, plenty of SAHMs had to shrug.
"Really need to vent. I've now become a stay at home dad. I've worked a full time job since I was 15, I'm now 37," Redditor driago said. "This has been a very difficult adjustment for me. At first I thought it would be great. My wonderful (and hot!) wife and 3 sons are my whole heart." Hot or not, family time is always a nice break.
However, driago quickly realized that this wasn't a vacation. "My wife works full time from home anyway, so it's the five of us all the time," he said. "Now I'm a teacher for pre k and first grade. These kids have more daily work than I did in high school, and two very different curriculums. My two-year-old is a hurricane of attitude and tantrums. The 5 and 7-year-olds have invented new ways to fight and argue." While these less-than-ideal moments may have been tolerable from a distance, now things are getting very real.
But driago also realized that there are other issues happening within the home. For one, chores. "All I do is bounce around from child to child, helping with schoolwork or picking up messes," he said. "And the chores. Neverending housework. And you can't take a break from the housework, or it punishes you."
Not only are the many women who choose to stay at home responsible for the kids, they're also responsible for cleaning the messes so that they don't build up. Usually, work like this isn't rewarded. Sometimes, partners don't even know their spouse did a particular task, since it was taken care of before they even got home.
But the part that really got other Redditors was when this dad mentioned that he had no time to himself. "It's Sunday and I'm exhausted from a weekend of cleaning and cooking and cleaning and entertaining and cleaning," he wrote. "When do I get a day off? Sure seems like [expletive] never." And for many stay-at-home moms, "never" is the right answer.
Many women, especially those who stay home, feel like they always need to be "on." They can't just walk by a mess — they need to clean it up. There's never a time when these responsibilities get turned off. And that's why acts of self-care are so important. Everyone needs at least a minute to themselves.
One SAHM by the username of coyote_zs helped set driago in place. "I’m a stay at home mom. Fours years straight of no day off, mountains of laundry, toys, velociraptor screeching, late nights, early mornings," she wrote. "And nobody takes the job seriously or believes how hard it is until they’ve done it. Solidarity, my friend. I see you."
Others, who found themselves in the same boat, also offered their sympathy. "Yup. This sucks. I have a 2-year-old and my wife works at a hospital," Redditor Jasonsg83 stated. "I cook, clean and take care of our daughter. I work in television and the industry won’t be back for a long time."
While this may be second nature for SAHMs, it's truly a culture shock for those who were used to going into an office. They don't even have the commute as a time to unwind. While the situation is tough for everyone, it's also a great way to see how things operate for parents who stay at home with young children.
Obviously, the situation today is amplified. With people out of the office or out of work, and school out of session, the amount of garbage and dishes pile up even more. For people who live in smaller apartments, it can seem even worse. Never before has a trip to the grocery store seemed so luxurious — yet also so dangerous.
However, other parents were quick to offer advice. One of the most important is in regard to the bickering kids. Obviously, this is tough for them, too. They've lost their structure and in-person access to their friends and schoolmates. "When your kids are arguing, sometimes it’s best to just let them," one Redditor said. "It’s annoying, but it’s vital for kids to learn to solve problems themselves. Unless you’re right in the middle of them, don’t step in unless you really need to."
It's also important for all adults to set a time to sit back and relax. The bonus about working from home, or being laid off in this environment, is that time is a little more flexible. It's OK to stay up an hour later than normal if it means you'll be more recharged. And it's OK to offer your kids a little more screen time since you just need a moment of peace.
Remember: Right now we're all in survival mode. Our main goal is to get through this as comfortably and securely as possible. Some of us had our whole worlds change overnight. Just try hard not to bring on additional stress where it doesn't need to be.
And next time you see a stay-at-home mom? Remind yourself that she's working her hardest to try to maintain some stability with her family. She's a powerhouse who often gets very little recognition for the work she does. Thank her — since as people are now realizing, it's not an easy job.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
