Having a baby can be a challenge for two working parents. Not only do many feel as if they're being robbed of seeing their children's milestone moments thanks to day care, but many can't even afford it. Day care prices have skyrocketed, making it seem more convenient for a parent to stay at home. That's exactly the setup arranged by one mom on Reddit, who posted under the username of aita50percentt. But now she's facing some issues — especially since her husband has seemingly abused the fact that she's currently at home.
Women have dealt with a lot in the workplace. Many are in high-power positions after years of working and proving themselves. And it seems as if this Redditor was very similar.
"I'm currently a SAHM. I never wanted to be one, but when I had my kid, it broke my heart when I could barely spend time with her due to my work," she wrote. "I wanted at least one parent to be with her while she grows up, he wanted the same too. So I decided to quit my job."
Financially, the situation wasn't the best one — but she had a plan in mind to make it work. "I had some savings, I could manage for a while," she wrote. "He told me he'd support us well. I was earning thrice as much as him, and our lifestyle would take a temporary hit, but we wouldn't be in trouble."
She said that ever since staying at home, the chores changed tremendously. "When we both were working, we mostly split the chores 50/50, but now it became 100 me, and 0 him," she said. "I was taking care of the baby, the house, groceries, taxes, walking the dog, cleaning and watering, maintenance, etc. I was beyond exhausted." She had no clue he'd suddenly refuse to participate.
She tried to communicate her frustration by talking to him about it. However, that seemingly went nowhere. "I asked him for help occasionally and he made a big show of doing it, said I'm not going to work anyway, so I should be doing all of this by myself with no help from him. I agree that I should be doing a lot, but not everything?" she wrote. "He would act like he was a benevolent god if he washed one dish, and it was getting on my nerves."
For many couples, it can be hard to divide the chores. But it can become frustrating for anyone to feel as if they're constantly doing someone else's share. She might not be working, but taking care of a child is still a lot of work — and the level of exhaustion can be hard to manage at times. It seems as if her husband forgot about the labor she's also putting in every day at home.
Even worse, the dynamic between her and her husband became somewhat tainted. Instead of treating her like his wife and mother of his child, he started taking advantage of her being at home. "He wanted me to cook what he wanted whenever he wanted, learn to cook new things for him when he felt like it, to do his laundry and clean up after him constantly, which pissed me off," she said. "I also realized I was still paying for most of the household expenses from my savings, and he was barely contributing anything."
Thus, he technically went back on his promise. She was losing money while he was getting a live-in housekeeper and babysitter that he didn't have to pay for. "I told him that he's treating me like trash, like a live in maid, and I can't take being ignored and expected to serve him constantly," she wrote. "He told me this is what a SAHM should do."
While many stay-at-home moms do keep up with the housework and take care of other issues, there's no set job description. And if she's feeling underappreciated, that means that this arrangement isn't working for some reason. Luckily, she chose to take matters into her own hands.
"I told him that unless he gives me 50% of his salary for household expenses and baby expenses and contributes at home at least 25%, I will go back to work," she wrote. "He threw a huge fit about it, and I called up my old job, who had been dying to have me back, and set up an interview."
The move was also a big reminder that as a woman, she's capable of so much. She can stay at home with her child, or she can work a demanding job where people treat her with respect. And in doing this, she's proving to her husband that she should be a priority. She refuses to leave herself vulnerable, especially when she chose to stay at home due to a team decision.
"He's sulking, saying I should be home with the baby," she said. "I'd rather continue to earn and come home to the baby than act as his butler." Her main question? She was wondering whether or not she was in the wrong for going back to work throughout all 0f this. And Reddit made it very clear — she was not.
"Go back to work. He's awful. You'll need your income for the divorce and sadly you'll end up paying him alimony cuz you make so much more," said Redditor justaroundtown. It's upsetting feedback, but necessary in case he never gets over her decision to go back to work.
Pardalis64 felt like since he backed out of their agreement, that's the part that's really worth focusing on. "They agreed that she would be a SAHM while he supported her," they wrote. "If she's having to pay household expenses even though he's the one with the income, I'd consider that financial abuse. Abuse isn't just a mistake or an argument. The chances that this relationship can be salvaged is not worth the harm that comes from staying in an abusive relationship. She needs to remove herself from the situation."
Hopefully, the issue is just a deep misunderstanding. It's possible that her husband has no clue how hard it is to watch a baby or a toddler during the day. If he switched places with her, he may be able to understand the pressure she's under — both mentally and financially. But still, many people felt as if his behavior was too much and would be hard to recover from. "Sure, they might be able to work through it. Maybe," said agnes_lorefield. "But personally, I would never trust a man who treated me this way again. He took advantage of a situation and showed her who he really is."
Hopefully, this family can figure out a solution soon that works for everyone. All wives and moms deserve a ton of respect for helping keep the family together. But they shouldn't be the only ones suffering for the cause. By going back to work, she's putting her foot down and proving that she's worth so much more.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
