Blending families isn't always an easy situation. As many members as there are of a family, there will be at least that many different and complicated feelings about the situation.
One woman thought her family was faring well, but an extended family incident led her to see a different side of things. She shared her situation with Reddit after her fiancé accused her overreacting.
The woman explains that she's the mom of two girls from a previous relationship. She's now engaged to her current partner, who loves her kids tremendously. Her future mother-in-law keeps finding ways to exclude them from family things, however. When a confrontation finally went down, both her future MIL and her fiancé's words bothered her deeply.
As mom explains it, this blended family was working out pretty well.
"I'm 36-mother of two girls (9/5) I met my now fiance (38) 2.5 years ago. He's a good man, Treats my girls well and loves them," she shared.
"Future mother in law is a generous lady truth be told. His family are respectful and helpful. We visit them a lot."
"After we got engaged I pretty much considered this my extended family. However my mother in law tends to do things that either intentionally or unintentionally hurt my feelings."
The original poster (OP) went on to share some examples of the behaviors that made her feel the way she did:
"For example, when there's a family dinner at a restaurant we're not invited. On Christmas, my girls didn't receive anything from her while other kids in the family got gifts and cards. Also all the kids in the family get a trip once a month but my girls never participate. Mother in law excuses were 'I forgot.'"
OP thought her mother-in-law was finally realizing the error of her ways.
"This week, my Future mother in law was doing family photo album and was gathering family pictures from everyone," she explained.
"SIL and her kids/brother in law and his kids and so on. She called and asked if I could send her some pictures. I thought that was nice of her. I sent them pretty much after my call with her ended."
She was even excited to see the finished product.
"We were invited to her house. The entire family was there to look at the photo album bc it was complete," she said.
"We took turns to look at it. And when it was mine and my girls turn I was stunned."
"Turned out she picked the pictures that had just me and her son. Not my girls."
"My girls were excited wanting to see the album then asked why their pictures weren't there. I didn't even wanna think about how they'd feel," OP continued.
"I was caught off guard otherwise I wouldn't have let them look at the album. I asked MIL why she excluded my girls and she didn't even reply she just ignored me.
"My fiance stared at me. I felt awful I got up, took my girls and walked out immediately. Everyone was confused. My fiancè followed us Then we left."
"I told him it's a symbol of family," she explained.
"The girls felt left out when all the kids pictures were there except for the girls although I sent her pics of 4 of us as a family. He said his mom didn't mean it and promised that this will change once we get married And said he'll 'get everyone in line' so I shouldn't even consider this a problem. And that my girls are the light of his life and that's the only thing that matters. And that I was overreacting over a photo album."
Mother-in-law tried to call, and it didn't go well.
"Mother-in-law called and was upset, saying me walking out like that was disrespectful to the entire family," OP revealed.
"When I told her about what she did, she bluntly said 'I don't wanna lie to people those girls don't relate to me in any way."
"She said she loves them/ treat them well. Will host their birthdays 'if I want' but she won't call them family. I argued with her over this and I hung up on her since she didn't think she did anything wrong."
Believe it or not, some people agreed with the mother-in-law.
"I think the MIL is [expletive] for not including them in a photo album. However, she did under no obligation to consider them her grandchildren," one commenter wrote.
"You SO chose his family. It doesn’t mean others have to agree. Now she should be respectful and treat them as she would treat any child or person. However, she does not have to do the same as she would with her GC."
"If the girls are 'the light of his life' he wouldn't let his family treat them this way and would have nipped it in the bud the first time they were excluded with gifts," another commenter pointed out.
"Everyone can spend their money as they see fit, but for someone that should be treating them as grandchildren should be more fair. Or else she doesn't get to be in their lives."
On top of that, many people are urging OP not to marry this man.
"The real issue here is your fiancé's lack of a spine to stand up to his mother," someone pointed out.
"That will probably never change, so you're walking into this coming marriage with your eyes wide open: If you marry this man, this will be your constant reality. Your daughters will continue to get ignored, and you will be pushed out of events. Cut your losses and flee this toxic relationship."
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