8 Of The Biggest Things Moms Feel Guilty About And How To Let Them Go

It's not uncommon for moms who work to feel guilty about it. It doesn't matter that you might need to work to create a financially stable environment for your family, or that you might really like your job! You still may feel like you're missing out on key moments in your kids' lives because of work. And you probably are.

But moms should remember that it's important for kids to see us doing work that is important to us. It helps them to pursue careers they also find important or stimulating. There are actually proven developmental benefits to having a mom who works, like increased independence. Plus, it's often good for mom's mental health, too.

Not all moms are great players. I personally hate to play. Aside from things like drawing, reading, or other creative tasks that I can get into, I pretty much fail when it comes to playing — especially playing pretend. My adult-mom brain just basically sucks at pretending.

While I have felt guilty about not wanting to play over the years, I have plenty of other ways of connecting with my kids. I also know they have friends who are happy to play pretend — and that, in the long run, me not wanting to play is not a huge deal. I have other strengths as a parent. I'm pretty sure they'll forgive my crappy imagination.

Financial stress is really tough to cope with when you're a parent. Especially because you have the added guilt of not being able to afford everything your kids want. Sometimes those are things you really want to give them, too, like experiences, signing them up for team sports, or other things that could benefit them.

As a mom, I've definitely experienced feeling guilty about not being able to afford certain things for my kids. But I also know that they will be more appreciative of the things they do have and get to do. Kids who get everything they want often don't even know how good they have it, anyway.

Moms aren't perfect, and as we are emotionally lending ourselves to our children, we can have our own emotional struggles, too. One of the biggest ones moms have an issue with is patience — because our kids know how to press our buttons. They don't always pay attention to the cues that we're getting frustrated. Plus, when you're tired and overworked, your patience can run low. When you snap, though, you don't think about anything other than how guilty you feel.

Patience is really hard to learn as a parent. But the important thing to remember is that everyone loses their patience once in a while. It's a healthy practice to apologize if you do lose your temper and to try to find ways to avoid getting so hot and bothered. As your kids get older, it becomes easier to communicate with them, and you should find you don't have as many moments of losing your patience.

As moms, time to ourselves is vital. But it's easy to avoid taking time on your own because you feel guilty for missing what you imagine should be "family time." Especially if you also work outside of the home (or these days, from home but, hopefully, away from your kids), you feel like every spare second should be spent with family. Still, that doesn't leave a lot of time for you.

We have to remember that even though family time is super valuable, so is alone time, or just time to do something that you want to do. It's easy to let it fall by the wayside, but when you do, you may find you're more depleted and not even present for family time anyway. So don't neglect yourself.

When you're a mom, coping with trauma or a mental health issue is incredibly hard. On the one hand, you're battling with the issue itself, which can be all-consuming. But you also have the guilt of feeling like an imperfect parent with imperfect mental health — which you are. For some, those issues may be bigger or more complicated than others.

Your kids will likely be impacted by these things — that much is true. But we have to remember that everyone has hard things they are dealing with. The hope is that our kids will be more compassionate people as they grow. The best thing we can do is be as open as possible with our kids and give them information that they are ready for — and take care of our own health as best as we can.

Screens are a huge distraction when it comes to parenting. Sometimes, I'll be doing something for work on my phone, like checking email or communicating with a coworker, and I totally miss something my kid is telling me. Other times, I'm just scrolling along, looking at Instagram, and I totally zone out.

OK, listen. We're not perfect, and phones might make us less so. But parents of every generation found ways to ignore their kids, even if it was just being sucked into the newspaper. We should aim to be away of our screen addictions and make some screen-free time, too. But we should also remember that it's OK to zone out sometimes, too.

When my son was a baby, my daughter was 4 years old. Instantly, our relationship changed, and I had to encourage my daughter to be more independent. My son was a very needy baby, too, so that didn't help. But I had terrible guilt about expecting more from my daughter and not giving her enough attention. It's a struggle that parents of babies and toddlers know well.

It's hard to feel like you aren't giving your older kids as much attention as your babies. But it's par for the course — it's simply necessary. Try to make time for some one-on-one with your big kids, no matter how big they are! That should help alleviate some of the guilt you feel on the regular for always being needed by your smaller children. Also, remember that the baby years will pass quickly and you'll be more available before you know it.