Amanda Kloots knows how serious the COVID-19 pandemic is. Last year, she lost her 41-year-old husband, Nick Cordero, who had just become a father to their son Elvis.
Nick was a Broadway star who, just a few years prior, had been nominated for the Tony Award for Best Featured Actor for his work in the production of Bullets Over Broadway. He had just moved across the country with his small family to see where his career would take him next.
By documenting Nick's health battle online, Amanda unexpectedly became a face for the pandemic. She knew firsthand the devastating effects of the virus and helped promote the fact that it could cause serious complications in people who otherwise may have thought they were safe. Nick died on July 5, 2020.
While Amanda has talked a lot about Nick's memory to her fans and followers, she's also starting to process what this devastating loss really looks like for her. And she's discovered something along the way. She really hates the word "widow," even though technically that's what she is.
One of the reasons why has to do with the origin of the word. "Did you know that the Indo-European root meaning of the word widow means 'be empty?' Be empty," she wrote on Instagram. "'Be,' in case you forgot, is a verb, an action word. I have to identify myself with a word that means to stay 'empty' – no wonder I hate saying the word! I am not a glass half empty kind of girl!"
"What's ironic to me is that in meeting and spending time with other widows and widowers we are everything but 'being empty.' We are desperate to FILL our cup!" she explained. "We are trying everyday to live a life that is overflowing in presence and gratitude."
So Amanda has figured that the best way to navigate the problem is to change the word. "I don’t know how you go about changing a word, but I propose a word that means something more hopeful," she said. "A word that gives us strength and power! A word that is optimistic in a time when we need it most!"
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"Renovare, means to 'renew'. I'm not sure if it’s the right word, but it sure defines me more than 'be empty.' So here's to my fellow renovares who are striving everyday to renew, reinvent and refill their cup!" she said. It's an optimistic view that's worth exploring.
Recently, Amanda was questioned by fans after it was discovered that she was dating again. While it may be sad to see her with someone else, it wouldn't have been the case had Nick survived. She's still honoring his memory while trying to live her life and find connections.
Even if she's with someone else, she still treasures her connection with Nick. "I also had my first Nick dream the other night!" she wrote on Instagram earlier this year. "It was short but magical. He was walking toward me beaming, smiling, so happy and healthy and looked like the best version of himself! I ran to him and jumped into his arms and then woke up! It was perfect."
Anyone she dates will likely know that they shouldn't try to fill Nick's shoes. Amanda first revealed the news that she was open to dating again after appearing on The Talk. Soon after, a fan commented with "Dating already wow that was fast," and Amanda made sure to put them in their place.
"How dare you judge anyone especially someone going through this process," she stated back.
"I will address this soon guys I promise," she added, per People. "There's too much to say and too much that widows deal with to not talk about it. Until then I will call out anyone who is rude enough to comment like this."
On The Talk, she mentioned that dating was difficult now since she and Nick had started as friends first. Amanda had also been married before Nick but said the situation was somewhat similar.
"Both of my husbands, I met doing Broadway shows. We became friends first, then we got married," she said.
"Obviously with Nick, we had a child," she continued. "I've never actually had to date. And I just started dating again and it is so crazy to be dating for the first time at 39 years old. And it’s quite terrifying and really out of your element, and it’s just, it's hard. It is hard."
Amanda also believes that Nick's spirit is still present. Sharing a montage of photos to help celebrate his short life on the one-year anniversary of his death, Amanda made sure to mention that she knows Nick is still watching over her and their son.
"There hasn’t been a day this year where you weren't missed, thought about and talked about. Thank you for being our guardian angel, for sending me signs, for being my DJ in heaven," she wrote.
It seems like Amanda is trying to stay as positive about what life took away from her. She'll always miss Nick and their connection. But she doesn't want to "be empty." She doesn't want to let her widow status paint a negative picture of the rest of her life. And that's a healthy attitude to take.
