Former gymnast Shawn Johnson East married her husband, Andrew East, back in 2016. With time, they felt ready to start a family. But unfortunately, Shawn suffered a miscarriage in October 2017.
The miscarriage reportedly happened just two days after they learned they were pregnant. They shared the news with their fans through an emotional video at the time.
"Today's video is a little bit sensitive," the gymnast noted. "It's not the happiest video but we feel like a lot of people go through this so we wanted to share it."
She's not wrong — reportedly 25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, but the number is said to be even higher because some women don't even know they're pregnant when the miscarriage happens.
"The past 48 hours have been some of the happiest, scariest, and saddest times of my life," she noted in the caption of the video. "My husband Andrew and I found out that we were unexpectedly pregnant, only to find out hours later some tragic news. I have been crying more than I ever have, but am still optimistic for what is next."
Since that moment, she went on to have two beautiful children — Drew Hazel East and Jett James East. But she never forgot the blame she put on herself after that first pregnancy. It's something many women do, and it's added guilt that isn't necessary.
She talked more about it on the Apple podcast Me Becoming Mom. Obviously, her miscarriage was the beginning of her journey. But it was also something that made her wonder whether or not she was even meant to have children.
Shawn admits that for years she abused her body. "I had struggled so long with eating disorders, I had taken excessive amounts of Adderall and I had taken weight loss pills," she revealed. "I had abused my body for so long that my worst fear going through all of that back then was am I going to do permanent damage to my body? And I didn't have a period for years and I had truly done harm."
"And my first reaction when we miscarried and [the doctor] saying, 'It's nothing that you did,' was 'But it probably is,'" she said, per People. While Shawn knows what she put her body through, this is common in a lot of women. Many women second-guess everything they've done, and they fear the worst: that they might not be able to carry a child due to choices from the past.
"Oh my gosh, if I could go back to that doctor's office, I was trying so hard to keep it together but I was breaking inside because in my mind, just [as] a mom, you have all of these guilts and these fears," she added. "I was like, is my body not made to have children? Did I abuse it so much that it can't carry a child? Is this God's way of telling me I'm not meant to be a mom?"
Prior to getting pregnant with baby Drew, Shawn had bought her husband a pair of baby Converse sneakers to help surprise him with the news. After she miscarried, the shoes were a sad reminder that the pregnancy wasn't viable. However, she was optimistic about the future even back then.
"We’ll use them again, of course," she said in the video. It's sad to know that while she said that — and things worked out well — she may have still had thoughts in her mind that a pregnancy would never be viable. Pregnancy is often a high-pressure situation, but many people don't discuss the anxieties and worries.
In general, miscarriages are often hard to figure out based on many factors. According to USC Fertility, they are considered "recurrent" if you suffer from three in a row. At that point, further testing will likely be done. But the chances of having that many are less than you may think.
"About 15 percent of pregnant women experience sporadic loss of a recognized pregnancy," the organization writes. "Just 2 percent of pregnant women experience two pregnancy losses in a row, and only about 1 percent have three consecutive pregnancy losses. The risk of recurrence depends on many factors. After one miscarriage, the chance of a second miscarriage is about 14 to 21 percent."
To families who are struggling, it's important to know that you're not alone. Trying to get pregnant is often an emotional roller coaster, with a lot of ups and downs. While losses will always be sad, they're not a sign that you weren't meant to be a parent. As Shawn found out, things often have a way of working out.
