It's important for all of us to have that one outfit we feel spectacular in. It could be the cut, color, or maybe even the fabric. Some brides-to-be even opt for a beautiful gown over a standard wedding dress, just because they already know they look good in it. There's no second-guessing, or as brides often call it, "dress regret."
A bride-to-be on Reddit posted on the popular "Am I the As*hole?" forum after a conversation she had with her friend. She feels as if her friendship may be at stake, and of course, it's all around her dress of choice.
"My fiancé and I are eloping at Arches National park in the fall," she wrote. "He and I are both minimalists in addition to being grad students, so the last thing either of us wanted me to do is spend $$$$ on a wedding dress." For the record, wedding dresses can often be very expensive — especially for a dress you plan on wearing just once.
"I decided a while ago that I'm just found to wear my favorite dress, which is a long red formal that I've worn for many other occasions," she said. To her, that's a dress she feels best in. Why buy another?
"It's one of only two nice dresses I own, the other being a little black dress," she clarified. "I love the dress and I feel beautiful in it, so I am looking forward to wearing it." It seems that as far as weddings are concerned, she's focused more on the marriage — which is actually very smart. However, weddings are a tricky topic, and plenty of people are around to talk you out of what you want.
The woman just so happens to have had another friend who was planning a wedding. Hers just took place somewhat recently. "One of my good friends just got married, and while she was planning her wedding I helped her out quite a bit," she explained.
"All the time, she tried to convince me that I should also buy a fancy white dress, have a formal ceremony with guests, throw a big party, etc. but I always just said that we are happy with our plans," she added. These things do happen. While trying to plan a wedding, it's hard not to think about the extra expenses that could be tacked on.
"She especially didn't seem to get why I'd be wearing my red dress, but eventually stopped pushing it," she said. "Well, fast forward to last weekend when her wedding took place. She specifically stated that it was meant to be a very formal event and that she'd prefer tuxedos, long dresses, etc. so I wore my red dress."
The woman was just trying to stick to the dress code. But since her friend already knew of her plans to get married in that dress, she saw it in a different light. "The next day, she sent me a text telling me what an inconsiderate friend I was, how hurt she is, and how she can't believe I'd be so selfish as to wear my wedding dress to another person's wedding," she said.
Even though the dress wasn't a traditional dress, and even though she hadn't even had her wedding yet, she wanted to know whether or not she was in the wrong. Because her actions seemed to bother her friend and threaten their relationship. Here's what Reddit thought.
Redditor lightwoodorchestra commented to say that since her friend put so much emphasis on dresses, she may be viewing the original poster's (OP) red dress in a different light. "Your friend is being really weird about this," they said. "To you it's just a nice dress that you've worn on many occasions and also plan to wear for your wedding; you aren't making a big fuss about a specific 'wedding dress' for your wedding, but she is."
Plus, it seems as if the OP never made the red dress a big point of conversation. It seems as if it was only mentioned because both women were planning out weddings. Had that conversation never happened, her friend likely wouldn't have thought anything was weird about the dress.
Other Redditors pointed out that while it doesn't seem to be an issue in this scenario, some cultures frown upon red dresses. "I know red is a big no-no in Denmark as well, because according to old customs a woman wearing red is either trying to seduce the groom or else she's his mistress," wrote Litzhie.
Unsaferaisin sympathized, saying they were in a similar situation. "We were broke as h*ll when we got married, so I ended up getting a cocktail dress at Target, which I then wore to a couple of parties," they wrote. "I couldn't afford something expensive, and I didn't feel that a courthouse wedding with one witness really justified going all out."
While the OP shouldn't feel bad and did nothing wrong, she should understand that dresses and dress codes were more of a big deal for her friend. So it's possible that she was eyeing everyone very closely that day. But it would be ridiculous if a friendship ended due to what happened.
It's also possible the bride felt upstaged. Certain brides feel the need to be the most beautiful woman in the room. And while she was probably stunning, she may have felt that since OP's dress was the dress chosen that'd make her feel the best, she also hoped to steal that thunder from the bride. While a bit immature, it's reasonable to see how the bride jumped to that conclusion.
"Weddings seem to have a strange effect on a lot of people but especially those who had major insecurity issues beforehand," one Redditor stated. "They suspend reality for the fantasy world that they created their head." It's why so many brides put pressure on themselves to make that day perfect, even though the only part that truly matters is saying "I do."
No matter what, at the end of the day, dress choice is all up to the individual. And the woman did nothing openly wrong. If the friendship is worth saving, hopefully the OP can have a conversation with the bride and remind her that she wasn't trying to upstage or take the attention away from her whatsoever.
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