The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy and fun, celebration and good cheer, but in reality? They’re often bogged down in obligation and self-inflicted pressure to be or look or feel perfect in all the ways. Having kids takes the pressure into a different stratosphere, since suddenly it’s not only about you. There are school events, new people to say thank you to (and gift!), and little beings who are counting on you to help them make memories. It’s a lot during what’s supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year.
To preemptively combat some of the stress—and reclaim my ability to enjoy these cozy, happy days—I’ve made a few promises to myself about what I will, and won’t, be doing this year.
1. I will skip the gifts-for-everyone approach and ask my family to do a secret Santa instead.
I’ve always been slightly envious of the people whose family puts names in a hat this time of the year and lets everyone draw a single giftee. Simply thinking about one present for one person? It sounds absolutely revolutionary.
By asking the fam to go the secret Santa route, we can alleviate the pressure of shopping for aunts and uncles and brothers- and sisters-in-law and free up the time to really consider the single gift we’re wrapping. Buying for everyone tends to result in one-size-fits-all stuff (gift cards, bottles of wine, etc.) which are nice, but don’t even pretend to be thoughtful. I’m hoping I’ll get either of my sisters in the random draw, since I know they’ve both been wanting more bracelets to add to their daily jewelry mix. And with my gifting budget not spread as thin, snagging something nice is possible.
Pandora Moments Heart T-Bar Snake Chain Bracelet, $200, pandora.net
2. I will not feel pressured to commit to travel plans.
I’d hoped that after we had children, the polite nudges to come and visit might evaporate during the holidays. Who’d seriously suggest parents of young kids pack up all their stuff and hit the road during the most insane travel time of the year? Well, evidently our parents.
I’m easy prey for a classic guilt trip (literally), so saying no has never been my strong suit. I know how happy a visit makes everyone in our family, from the grandparents to the kiddos, but I also know how much unnecessary stress it involves. With that in mind, I'm pledging to be upfront and simple when I say, "thanks, but no thanks" to long-distance invitations. The memories and special times can still happen… just perhaps during a time of year when the airports are less insane.
3. I will focus on meaningful gifts instead of buying mindlessly.
It seems like the older I get, the more gifts I'm on the line for (chalk it all up to added responsibility). The combination of being in a time crunch, on a budget, and feeling anxious about doing the “right” thing always seems to result in fairly meaningless gifts that I perpetually worry will just be tossed onto a shelf and forgotten.
I don't want to waste my money or hurt the environment, so I've promised to take the time and really think about small but impactful presents. Banned are the so-basic-they've-gotta-like-them slippers or ornaments, replaced with truly special presents, like a piece of Pandora jewelry. Sure, it will require me to get to know whomever I'm gifting a little bit more more — I’ll really be talking to my daughter’s preschool teacher during pick-up—but isn't that the point?
Pandora Star & Crescent Moon Charm, $65, pandora.net
4. I will not say yes to every invite that comes my way (regardless of whether or not I actually want to go).
For me, there’s some odd scarcity mindset when it comes to invitations. It’s like I’m afraid that if I say no, I’ll never get invited to dinner/coffee/drinks again. It’s fairly ridiculous, but no less existent…which means I typically find myself saying “yes” to all sorts of things (even if I knew from the first moment that I didn’t actually want to go).
When you’re in the habit of RSVP’ing yes to everything, you get depleted fast at this time of year. I’m focused on enjoying the season more by carefully considering every invitation I get and only accepting the ones I know I’ll enjoy. From there, I’m hoping I can lean into my reduced social calendar and really relish the opportunities to dress up. I’m planning on jazzing things up by adding a few new sparkly pieces to my arsenal (I’ve been eyeing these Pandora earrings to update my party looks).
Sparkling Pavé Bars Hoop Earrings, $115, pandora.net
5. I will ask my family what they want to do rather than blindly following what we “should” do.
Let’s be honest for a second: Social media is mostly to blame for making the holidays altogether more exhausting. There’s such pressure to do things for the ‘gram, literally, and prove that you baked the cookies or cut down the tree or took the kids for the photo opp. Last December I had the startling realization, mid-moment, that no one actually wanted to be packed in a car, slowly driving around to look at Christmas lights. Instead, we’d pulled ourselves off the couch and into the car because it’s “what you do.”
That’s not happening anymore. I’m going to work hard to ignore the pressure of what’s expected of a mom with young kids (like the adorable matching jammy photos or photo with Santa) and will actually ask my little tribe what they’d like to do. If the answer is to bake dozens of cookies to share with neighbors? Let’s do it! But if not? We’re not going to knuckle through some performative act of cheer.
