One of the important things to remember about sibling relationships is that they're all different. Not every set of sisters gets along. And not all families are as close as they can be. While family structures may look alike, actual families operate quite differently.
A Redditor posted a story about an incident that happened with one of her older sisters. The Redditor in question, who posted under the handle of neener_neener_, explained that she's the youngest of four girls. At the age of 30, her closest-in-age sister is 33. She also has a 35-year-old sister and a 41-year-old sister. The one she's had the most issues with is the 33-year-old.
"While we are very close, a spat I had with 33 a couple of months ago has led to a rift, which I would like adjudicated," she said. "As the youngest sister, I'm used to a fair amount of babying and bullying from my older sisters. I always felt like 33 takes it a step too far."
The story she shared isn't just about babying and bullying. It's downright cruel. Plus, while this was all happening? She learned a pretty harsh lesson about her family dynamic. It's something many others may be able to relate to.
One of the things "33" does a lot is put her younger sister down. "This includes snide remarks about my looks, weight, work, etc. For the most part, I see these as a projection of her insecurities, and I choose to let it slide," she said. But at one point, 33's comments went overboard.
"One of the features she comments on is my skin tone," the OP wrote. "We are middle eastern, and regionally, most people have medium / tan skin, including my sisters. I, however, am very pale. It's my skin tone, it suits me, and I have no problem with it. Additionally, I suffer from PMLE ("sun poisoning"), so any kind of sun exposure is out of the question."
"33 and 41 will regularly comment on this," she wrote. "41's comments are usually innocuous. ('Don't wear the white shirt, you look washed out.') 33's comment devolve into bullying. ('You look disgusting.' 'Looking at you makes me sick.') As I mentioned, I tend to avoid conflict and just say 'That's your opinion, I'm happy with the way I look.'"
In general, it looks as if 33 is so insecure about her own appearance and life that she has to bring down her sister. Most of the time, this isn't a good look. That said, it puts OP in a good position since she's mature enough not to fall for 33's plan of tearing her down. And, it's possible that type of confident response back just encourages her sister to try and tear her down more often.
"A few of months ago, I was standing across the room from 33 and 35, and I heard her discussing my skin tone. Again," the OP said. She stated that 33 told 35 that the OP should get a tan. When the 35-year-old sister mentioned her sun allergy, 33 reportedly responded back with, 'She can go get a spray tan or something.'"
That was enough for the OP to snap. "I'm not sure if I was in a bad mood that day or the accumulation of comments just got to me, but I told her I was really sick of her comments and I just wanted her to SHUT UP," she wrote. "Mom overheard the argument and immediately told me to stop disrespecting my older sister, that this is 'normal' ribbing between siblings."
And, that introduces another mistake. By trying to sweep the problem under the rug, the mom is further enabling comments like this. "I told her age was irrelevant here, I was the victim, and there is a difference between ribbing and insulting," she wrote. "Of course Mom then blamed me for 'ruining' the family gathering."
This is yet another harmful tactic that's all too common with families. Instead of really figuring out the problem at hand, pushing blame towards the person brave enough to speak up about it shouldn't equal the "ruining" of any event. Luckily, the OP was smart enough not to immediately crumble when those accusations came her way.
"I told her she should direct her words at the bully, and that no one would be as patient as I had been despite the constant barrage of insults," she wrote. "At this point, 33 decided to engage in some gaslighting, and said that if I was truly happy with the way I looked, I wouldn't be bothered by any of her comments. I cried about this incident for hours."
Since then, the relationship has been tarnished. "For months now, I have blatantly refused to speak to 33 until I get an apology. Mom has been trying to force us to make up. At one point, 33 did try to reach out, but it was in a rude 'get over it' kind of tone," she explained. "No apology was offered, and when I asked for one she told me to 'go to hell'. Mom blames me for being stubborn despite my sister 'initiating' contact."
"Recently, my other siblings got involved, with 35 refusing to act as an intermediary between us and also holding the 'get over it' position," she said. "I remain steadfast that I will not speak to her until she admits that she was wrong and apologizes; at which point I will be happy to forgive and forget." But, it doesn't seem as if that will happen anytime soon. Luckily, most of Reddit sided with the OP and felt like her family wasn't in the right here.
And, they also brought up a pretty good topic as well. "I'm really curious about why so many parents and authority figures never hold the bully responsible," wrote Redditor CelicaBae.
"It's always the one who was bullied who is expected to patch up things and make peace… So ridiculous." The_pink_quill responded. "It's easier to bully the bullied into apologizing than holding the bully accountable."
This should serve, in a way, as a warning to parents who hold the same approach. While it may be easier to solve the issue by placing the blame on the easiest target, it'll likely have lifelong consequences — especially if it happens a lot. Eventually, the OP may not feel comfortable trusting her family. The longer the grudge continues, the harder it'll be to solve.
That said, 33, knowing there are no consequences regarding these nasty remarks, won't stop anytime soon. It's amazing that the OP stood up for herself, but it's also to see why she might want to distance herself from them for a while. Just because someone's a family member doesn't mean you should constantly face their abuse.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
