Weddings can bring out the worst in people. While it's a stressful event, some women feel as if they're entitled to treating others more like servants than family and friends. And that's where the term "bridezilla" comes from. Some women are proud of the title, while others can't believe the pressure of the event made them behave so uncharacteristically.
But it's important for all bridezillas to know that their behavior has a lasting effect. That's why many bridesmaids end up distancing themselves from the bride after the wedding. Can you imagine how they must feel if a second wedding happens? That's exactly what happened to one Redditor, and she's looking for advice.
This Redditor's situation is stickier than most. And that's because the bridezilla in question is her own sister. The Redditor is 25, and her sister is 30. "The wedding did not go quite as planned so she and her husband have decided they want a redo and are planning to have their wedding late next year," she explained. "I was her bridesmaid/kinda maid of honor with one of her friends, and she treated me like [expletive]." Unfortunately, that can be common with some brides. And those are the brides who feel like they're the only ones who matter on their wedding day.
"I was younger then and didn't really say much because the rest of my family would have told me to deal with it for her day, and be the grownup like I was supposed to be," she said. "The only time I really called my sister out was when she raged at me for not paying off the dress the same day as the others." The Redditor was just around 19 when this happened.
And the payment issue was something she had brought up with her sister earlier. "I had told her before that my payments would be a little late with me being a struggling college student and all that but instead of either changing her mind about me being her bridesmaid or offering to pay and I could pay her back she spoke to me like a disobedient child in front of her friends and the ladies at the store," she wrote. It sounds like a mortifying event.
"I was SO stressed out because of her and then at her wedding one of our cousins had a medical emergency followed by our brother's girlfriend going into labor," she explained. "I bore the brunt of her anger that day and afterward she got pissy with our brother's girlfriend for taking the spotlight from her and now they don't talk and she doesn't know our nephew." That's taking it to the next level, as women don't get to choose when they go into labor.
And it's also a little strange that her parents didn't remedy that situation or realize she was out of control. "When she asked me again I told her no," the Redditor stated. "She wanted a reason. I told her to reflect on how she treated me at her last wedding and left it there. Now our parents, paternal grandma and paternal aunts and great aunts are all rallying to get me to say yes, and to apologize for saying no."
This is a situation where the Redditor needs to realize that she's 25 now, and a full adult. If there's still lingering hurt from six years ago that the bride never resolved, it makes sense for her to be hesitant. In fact, it may be the healthiest decision she could make. As many other Redditors pointed out, this woman sounds toxic even outside of weddings.
And how can they tell? The fact that it's been six years and she still refuses to meet her nephew — who, again, couldn't choose when he was born. "Something tells me that this woman's [expletive] extends way past her wedding day," writes tea_in_the_garden. "If she's willing to cut her nephew off for daring to be born at the wrong time she should understand that other people are allowed to do the same to her."
Much_Difference believes that if a nephew being born during her wedding was enough for her to claim it was "ruined," she'll find a way to destroy this one, too. And having her sister not partake may be enough. "She's going to find a reason this one was ruined too," they wrote. "If there's no obvious disaster at the wedding itself, she'll blame people for not being there."
AliceInWeirdoland felt as if her attitude toward the experience was very telling. "The thing is, if she had been kind and gracious about things, and then later was upset because the anxiety over the medical stuff prevented her from enjoying her day… If you've got the money and you really want to, go for it, I guess," they started.
"I can see a world where someone who was very close to their cousin and their brother and his girlfriend would feel a little sad that they'd spent the bulk of their wedding feeling nervous and waiting for news," they continued. "I'm guessing, based on the post, that her issue is more other people were talking about these family members, or were too busy checking for news to make the bride feel special enough, which is just… Very, very entitled."
And that's a big part of it. Many brides feel the need to have all of the attention on their wedding day. What they may not realize is that they're definitely the main attraction, regardless of what happens. Shutting out any other critical family news just due to a wedding can be seen as selfish. When you care about someone, you can't shut that off just because it's someone else's "day."
And continuously holding a grudge against a child for being born really shows her true character. Honestly, it seems as if this Redditor may have an easier go if she cut her sister out of her life. That said, relationships can be complicated. But refusing to participate in this one may be, at the very least, the best move. Having everyone cater to the sister despite her ill behavior is only enabling it to continue.
While Redditor WembleyToast doesn't think that refusing to be part of the wedding is out of line, they do suggest a change in approach. And based on how this bride sounds, it may be a smart one. "I would say that it's better to state the reasons why you felt uncomfortable last time rather than hoping she'll figure it out on her own," they wrote. "She probably won't self-reflect in the way you hope, she could lash out and say that you're being vague or petty, and that's not what you want."
While it's a shame that her sister may not stand next to her on her second big day, this Redditor's big sister really needs to reflect on the situation altogether. While weddings are special, nobody can have full control over what happens. The important part, really, is the marriage shared.
When you treat people with disrespect, you need to deal with the consequences. Even if the behavior around her wedding was unlike who she normally is, the fact that she doesn't have a relationship with her nephew after six years is something she should be ashamed of. When you treat others poorly, they'll eventually drop out of your life.
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