While all families are different and unique, most moms don't envision parenting alone when they set out to have kids. Single motherhood is hard. It can be draining in just about every imaginable way — physically, emotionally, and financially. But just because those things are true doesn't mean that single motherhood is all bad. In fact, as a single mom for over five years, I, largely, have great feelings about parenting alone.
While sometimes I wish there was someone to help out with grocery store runs or sit on the floor and play a game with the kids when my mind is somewhere else, I still value being a single parent — mainly because the way that I parent is exactly the way I want to.
Here are six great things about being a single mom that we don't hear enough about.
1. My House, My Rules
Arguing about the basics — like chores, household rules, and general values — is a big reason why couples part ways. But one thing I love about parenting on my own is that there is no one to argue with about the way things get done (or don't!) in my own house. Skipping petty arguments means there's generally a lot more peace in my home than when I was married. That's good for me, but it's also good for my kids.
2. Our Time Together Is Quality
I might have less time with my kids because they're at their dad's house half of the time. It's a challenge, for sure, and I do have moments of missing my kids when they aren't with me. But it's not all bad, because the breaks mean that I'm more zoned in to what my kids need when they're with me. Missing them means I value our time together a lot more. Plus, having breaks is good for my mental health.
3. It's Better Than Being in an Unhappy Marriage
Yes, single motherhood can be draining. Sometimes, you just wish there was someone to sit next to you on the couch and gripe to. But the truth is, sitting next to someone on the couch who you don't really enjoy being with anymore is not actually all that fulfilling anyway. That unhappiness is totally draining and zaps your ability to feel like a good mom. That means that parenting on your own is infinitely better than parenting while feeling trapped in an unhappy marriage.
4. I Know I'm Setting a Great Example
Of course, parenting alone is hard. But the fact is, if you're committed to succeeding, you will. One really strong motivating factor is that you know your kids are paying attention, and there are few things more inspiring than a single mom who is kicking butt. On my hard days, I remember that my kids have a strong single mom to look up to, and I take time to feel good about doing it all on my own.
5. My Kids Get To See Me Fail
One thing I learned quickly about being a single parent is that my kids would see me fail. I didn't always get things right. Sometimes, I sat down on the floor in a mess of my own feelings and cried. But that's OK. As a single mom, I'm just one person, and that means I have to embrace just being a human. I think that's completely OK. My kids seeing me fail makes space for them to have their own screwups and tough feelings, too.
6. It Fosters Independence
Resisting the urge to do everything for my kids is important, not just because I don't drive myself crazy but also because they learn that they are an equally important part of our household. Being a single parent means it's necessary to ask for help sometimes. But my kids, at 8 and almost 13, are far more independent and helpful than a lot of kids their age. Those are qualities that don't just make things easier in our home but will serve them later in life.
