Relationships can be complicated, but with open and honest communication, a lot of disagreements and problems can be avoided. Unfortunately for one woman, it seems that she hasn't really had open or honest communication the entire three years she's been in an on-again, off-again relationship.
She recently took to Reddit to ask for relationship advice after she made a huge discovery: The man she thought was her boyfriend is engaged to someone else.
The woman shared that she's always suspected something wasn't quite right:
"Hi y'all, I (34F) just found out that the person (40M) that I've been in an on again off again romance with for the past three years, has a fiancée. I blocked him many months ago for his lack of consistency and communication, and general [expletive]boy behaviour. I always had an itching suspicion that he was in a commited relationship, because of his pattern of disappearing for long periods of time."
He's trying to come back into her life.
It turns out the man has been trying to reconnect:
"He recently left me a long voicemail, saying he wanted to reconnect (apparently iPhones allow blocked numbers to leave voicemails) I didn't reply, knowing that he was only going to try to get phone sex or meetup in person to bone and quench his quarantine thirst."
Then she made a discovery.
She decided to listen to the voicemail to see what he had to say:
"After hearing the voicemail I did some digging, and found hard evidence that he's engaged (for quite a while) and had to reschedule his wedding due to the [health] restrictions."
"So the question is: What do I do?"
Here are the options she has.
The way the woman sees it, she has a few options:
"1.) Nothing (this doesn't sit right)
"2.) Track her down on social media and msg her anonymously (as I know I'm not the only woman he's been cheating/trying to cheat on her with) I would want someone to tell me if the tables were turned."
She could also confront him head-on:
"3.) Confront him a 'congrats' on his engagement (giving away I snooped, dropping the non contact, and exposing myself to his wrath.) I gotta add that he's definitely a narcissist (and possible sociopath too). I'm not a therapist but the markings are all there, so I'm a little scared of any repercussions."
Ultimately, she wants to know what others would do.
Here's her question for Reddit: "What's my best move? Has anyone else been in this position or on the receiving end?"
There's a lot to consider here, and luckily quite a few people offered great advice.
The woman might not believe her.
One commenter noted that they don't really like when outsiders get involved in the lives of others, and that the woman might not believe her anyway:
"I'm never [too] keen on advising people to jump into someone else's life like that. In general though: do what makes you able to look yourself in the mirror. If that is to warn her, then go ahead, but a fair warning: she may not believe you or be thankful at all…"
The original poster gets it:
"Ya I'm sure she won't believe it, especially since I won't be adding any receipts (to self protect) but I'm sure she's had her own suspicions herself."
Since the poster doesn't want to give her own identity away, one person had a great suggestion: set up a fake profile.
"Make a fake profile and record the voicemail he sent, send her a message saying you really didn't know about her but found out etc and she has a right to know."
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