Relationships between parents and the people their children choose to date and marry can be fraught with tension. This isn't always the case, but it makes sense that blending families and introducing new partners, patterns, and practices can be tough.
The relationship between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is known for being rocky. Psychology Today writes that one reason could be that "mothers-in-law may still perceive that they are competing with their daughters-in-law for the time and attention of their sons." Whatever the reason, the reality can be hard to deal with.
One young woman recently shared on Reddit that she and her future mother-in-law had a disagreement about the woman's hypothetical children — and now that disagreement has turned into a huge, dramatic happening.
She begins by pointing out that his mother already doesn't like her.
"So I'm Asian from a SEA country and my boyfriend is British which is already red flags to his mum," she writes.
But the new issue is about kids.
The woman explains that growing up, her family didn't make her pay rent for the home they all shared. Apparently the mother-in-law feels that kids should pay rent.
"I grew up in a culture where parents pay for all of our education and don't make use pay rent (for us it's weird to pay for a home that we didn't choose or ask for, we can help out with bills of course but it’s not an obligation) , in hindsight, my parents are also not struggling with money, so I'm already in a huge advantage in life compared to a lot of people," she explains.
The mother-in-law thinks kids should have to pay rent.
What started out as a simple conversation spiraled out of control once it became clear the two women disagreed.
"And I don't want my children in the future to also drown themselves in debt for the sake of education. The topic came up during Christmas and I openly disagreed with my MIL as she said that I should make my kids pay rent in the future and give it to them when they're older as it would teach them a lesson, but I said that I think it's better to teach them how to open a bank account and how to save as I thought keeping money to give in the future doesn't really teach them anything."
She also thinks paying for your child's education will make them 'soft.'
The future mother-in-law also told the girlfriend that she shouldn't pay for her children's education.
"It became an entire argument spiral as we had conflicting opinions on several matter like I said I would pay for their education and she said that it would make them soft."
AND that her son shouldn't have to pay for everything for his kids, period.
The mother-in-law ultimately revealed that she believes her son shouldn't have to pay for things for his own children just because his partner thinks he should.
"Then it somehow keep coming up with the argument of 'our son shouldn't be paying for everything you ask' as she thinks I'm gonna be a homemaker when I have my own career. Children will already have to live in a harsh world, why would I make it harder for them?"
Her boyfriend thinks she shouldn't have started the conversation.
Now her future mother-in-law is mad, and her boyfriend openly wishes the conversation had never happened.
"She's still angry at me as she thinks I'm a bad choice for her son. My bf thinks I should've just agreed with her and just not follow what she said to avoid argument as it caused some stir."
Who is wrong here?
The woman wants to know if she should have responded differently, and commenters are split.
One person pointed out that the mother-in-law's behavior is questionable: "[It's] a big ol' red flag that your boyfriend's mom is allowed to be belligerent and you’re expected to placate her and have no opinions. I hope you have a discussion with your BF real soon about him handling her BS or staying out of your way when you do it. If you tolerate this, you're gonna be undermined by her (and him) at every turn."
Others aren't so sure.
Another person agreed the conversation shouldn't have gone the way it did, but also that the woman may need to learn to pick her battles.
"Sometimes it's worth just nodding and saying hmm, yeah that's interesting, or hmm yeah i guess we'll see," one commenter suggested. "You don't have to tell MIL she's right but there are ways to get out of disagreeing on topics that may never actually even come up again."
Some people are taking issue with the boyfriend.
One person pointed out that the girlfriend didn't "cause" the fight, and it's odd that her boyfriend phrased it that way: "you did't 'cause' the argument. It takes two people to argue. Why isn't your BF upset because his mother didn't agree with you to avoid 'causing' an argument?"
Maybe the mother-in-law sees this as an attack on herself.
"I see your boyfriend is college age," one person notes. "I suspect that his mother takes your belief that parents should help their children through college as an attack on her personally since she is not doing that for her son. Instead of seeing this as a more abstract moral point like you are coming at it from, she thinks you are attacking her."
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
